Month: March 2019

LENTEN REFLECTION #11

95% of parenting happens on the fly. At the first squeal of our sweet babies, we begin sculpting our parenting styles.

Do we breastfeed? In public? Supplement with formula? Soy? Rice? Buy gender-neutral toys? Dolls? Barbies for boys? Co-sleep? Let them cry? Baby Bjorn? Sling? Fanny pack? (It’s been a while).

The number of decisions we are faced with is stifling, but somehow we make them and move on to the next. Lord knows we don’t have a choice.

As soon as you pack up the crib and post a review about what a bad idea the Diaper Genie was, you’re at the DMV praying your child fails the permit test.

They age, our necks age and we start making rules. Or in my case making UP rules (some).

Rule structuring can be based on instilling values and traditions we grew up with, going rogue, or finding a happy medium. We are going for hybrid “Prius parenting” (I made that up too). Our goal is to keep family and religion at the center with real-world 2019 stuff (controlled social media, etc.) orbiting. All laced with pop-up lessons on sarcasm to keep things interesting.

Each day I find myself making up new rules (shhh) and I often wonder if  know my parents did the same. Did anyone else’s parents say,

• no singing at the dinner table
• no dating until you’re 16 AND a junior in high school (definite last minute decision for my sister with a summer birthday)
• we take turns opening Christmas presents ONE. AT. A. TIME.
• do not use a gift until you’ve sent a thank you note

My favorite was a combo never EVER look behind you OR point in church. (Not sure what would happen, but I didn’t want to find out).

They were all good rules, don’t get me wrong. I just know they happened on the fly. I can picture mayhem one Christmas morning when my sisters and I woke up, saw our presents and starting opening all at once. There wasn’t much around the tree so my parents did the smartest thing, open one at a time. It lengthened our morning fun and helped us appreciate the power of ‘good things come to those who wait’. Boy was it hard.

My husband and I agree on most rules. Sometimes I make them in a panicked frenzy like, “No TV until you’re nine.” Why nine? Who knows? My daughter came home from Kindergarten one day talking about a Little Mermaid she saw on TV at school. From my reaction, you’d have thought the teacher had shown Silence of the Lambs. I was more than a little annoyed. Luckily I have a twin-engine helicopter I use for parenting and I fired up the rotors. It didn’t happen again until 1st grade. Grrrr…

This brings me to my one on the fly rule which has served everyone well (so far). It happened when crafting my daughter’s middle school schedule in 5th grade.

Me: “What instrument would you like to play?”

Cora: “None, thank you.”

Me: “This year you can just try an instrument and see what you think because…”

HERE IT COMES – ON THE FLY RULE MAKING – WAIT FOR IT

“You will ALL play an instrument in middle school.” 

Cora is still playing cello five years later. Our boys play saxophone and trumpet. It worked.

Music is part of what makes our lives whole and when you’re a teenager trying to carve out who you are, being able to strum a chord, play an arpeggio, or be the cello in a quartet is priceless. I love that our kids can play mezzo forte, understand a fermata, count 1/16th notes, know how to play Dvorak and Normandy Beach and talk about music, together. Their instruments may need dusting, but they sure play well.

Who knows, perhaps the morals and quick thinking rules we impose on our children will someday bring the harmony our world so desperately needs.

Spiritual Workout Combo: Run or walk and say a rosary at the same time.

Modification: Walk, get fresh air and open your thoughts to God. Just chat.

LENTEN REFLECTIONS #10

Years ago after watching a packed James Bond movie, only a few of the audience exited through a side door labeled EXIT ONLY, which led directly to the parking lot. My husband did a crafty Bond somersault as if dodging bad guys and it was just one more reason I knew I married a cool guy. He pushed the door open and there was our car.

It was the easy way out.

Typically side doors are EXIT ONLY. If someone sneaks IN the side door, another someone has to open the door for them, rendering them both at fault for wrongdoing.

Here’s where I’m going with my side door analysis:

This week’s biggest news story centered around the corruption and cheating in the college admissions process.

According to an interview on NPR,

“Between 2011 and 2018, wealthy parents paid Rick Singer, the head of a foundation and a for-profit admissions consulting service, more than $25 million. Singer would then use that money to pay a ringer to take the SAT or ACT for children or correct their answers. He’d also bribe Division 1 coaches.”

According to Joseph Bonavolonta, special agent in charge of the Boston FBI, “More than 30 parents flaunted their wealth to cheat the system and set their children up with the best education their money could buy…Some spent anywhere from 200,000 to $6.5 million for guaranteed admission. Their actions were, without a doubt, insidious, selfish and shameful.”

Aha! A virtual “elite college” SIDE DOOR held open by Rick Singer, coaches, and others allowing these high school graduates into universities without the rigamarole the rest of the world endures.

The disturbing part of this mess (and there are many) is most of these kids have no interest in college and are swiping spots away from numerous high school graduates who DO want to go to college.

While most teenagers were filling out applications, writing essays, HONESTLY laboring over the SAT and ACT tests, and actually sweating from the sports they REALLY played, these wealthy students were settling into their Instagram-ready dorm rooms unscathed and unphased.

This may be the one time our 4-year-old selves can yell out “NOT FAIR” and be completely right.

When I grew up my parents would and still do anything for us, IF it was the right thing to do. On the weekends, we would schlepp along with Mom and Dad and help maintain our rental properties. We painted, cleaned, and weeded. We hammered, held ladders and climbed. We worked. We learned. Ultimately, we understood what hard work meant. There’s a saying in Spanish mom would throw out when she noticed we were slacking. “No se sopla” she’d say. It’s synonymous with “things don’t just happen”. I know it’s part of a longer ditty, but when I grew up it meant to get off your duff and work.

Unfortunately, there are many parents (at least 50 in this scandal) who feel it’s easier to lie, cheat, and buy admittance into college for their kids rather than teach them the value of work. What message is it sending their kids? Most of the elite students were allegedly oblivious. I’ll bet most rarely speak to their parents. I hope I’m wrong.

Am I being judgy? Sure I am. It’s infuriating. But I’m thankful there are honest students busting their toush to get that 4.zillion grade point average kids need these days, solidifying their study skills and powering through sports practices every day.

Will people continue to slither through those side doors? Always. Everybody does things differently.

I’d rather choose the front door entrance. Sneaky never wins.

Spiritual Workout: Pray for the families who made poor decisions.

Workout: Take 5 minutes, just 5, close your eyes and listen to your breathing. Focus on honesty and goodness.

LENTEN REFLECTIONS #9

During the 8th-grade graduation ceremony, the guest speaker straightened his tie, leaned over the microphone and declared confidently as if he were announcing the Power Ball Lottery Numbers: “Everything, EVERYTHING matters in high school!” (so don’t blow it).

I was convinced he was solely referring to grades. But boy was I wrong. Again.

Sure. Grades matter. But wait! There’s more. So. Much. More.

Research shows the prefrontal cortex, the rational part of the brain, doesn’t fully develop until age 25 or so. This is the area of the brain that employs good judgment and knowledge of consequences. Adults respond to situations with the prefrontal cortex.

Teens, on the other hand, process information with the emotional part, the amygdala. This is why every day seems like an emotional Tsunami. Logic will come, just give it another 7-12 years. Ugh. Doesn’t a driver’s license seem like such a bad idea now? According to the CDC Injury Center:

Here are my top 60, yes 60 issues our teen’s overworked minds have to noodle through:

Grades (again), friends, the bus, lunch, AP classes, no AP classes, shoes, cars, driving permits, shoes – again, clubs, sports, not playing a sport, music, instruments, phones, social media, ACT tests, SAT tests, girlfriends, boyfriends, parking spaces, online courses, weekends, sleep, no sleep, grade point average, college tours, Youtube, likes, scholarships, prom, service hours, cliques, tests, homework, quizzes, failing, thinking a B is failing, caring what others think, vaping, not vaping, food, money, depression, school shootings, body image, acne, hair gel, allergies, being too short or too tall, global warming, understanding global warming, voting, working, gas money, and braces.

Some (or most) days will be messy, awful and emotionally draining but at the end of the day, just pray they find their tribe, recognize what REALLY matters and most importantly, remind them to ALWAYS-ALWAYS pack snacks…hunger is a cranky contributor. Zone bars and raisins have saved me on many surly occasions, buy in bulk.

Spiritual Workout: Pray for all teenagers and their parents. Thanks.

Workout: Go for a long walk with a friend or family member and talk about what matters to you. Remember to listen (the hardest part for me).

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LENTEN REFLECTIONS #8 – TODAY IS THROWBACK THURSDAY FOR THE BLOG. THIS IS WHERE I DIG SOMETHING UP FROM THE MANY PAGES IN OUR FAMILY JOURNAL AND SHARE. HERE IS ONE OF MY MANY FAVORITE STORIES FROM 2011.

JULY 2011

Like many parents, I feel we’ve done a fair job at teaching our children essential life lessons. Sharing, playing nicely, using manners, washing hands, and flushing (not necessarily in that order) to name a few. However, our favorite and most precarious lesson is how to appropriately cross the street. As I tell our children, everyone does things differently and it’s okay.

Here’s what we do:

When crossing the street our kids start with the traditional left-right-then-left-again check. Here’s our twist. After our children look left-right-then-left-again, they cross and immediately look down.

Here’s why:

At home, we have a “found money” jar and we put every coin we find in it for one full year. On December 8th, we pour out the battered and tarnished coins on the table, immediately wish we had laid something on the table first, then count it.

It’s never much, although one year I did find $16 on a rainy day walking to the store…that was a record year. We call it a college fund in dire need of scholarship assistance. Of course, we’re careful when crossing the street and look out for each other (big sister has saved the boys a few times) and if someone finds a barely recognizable penny that has seen the bottom of countless Goodyear tires than it’s been a good day. Ultimately we donate what we find to our church and the kids match it with money they’ve saved.

Some days someone will say, “I hope I find a penny or nickel” – I smile thinking how proud I am that my children still get excited over the little things in life like finding a penny, picking it up and hoping that all day they will have good luck.

But one day as Zavier and I were walking in our playground parking lot he said something that really struck me.

“Mama, I hope I find an eleven dollar bill”.

I found myself ready to correct him and capture the teachable moment…to tell him that there was no such thing as an $11.00 bill and ramble on as I tend to, hoping he’ll remember at least 10% of what I say.

Instead, I proceeded with trepidation. I made the decision that if Harold can pick up his purple crayon and draw himself a walking path and Max can dance the wild rumpus with the Wild Things than my sweet 5-year-old can investigate his world and perhaps find his $11.00 bill.

My job is not to squelch his fantasy.

My responsibility is to foster his dreams.

Truly, Zavier reminded me that we are all scouring the earth for our $11.00 bill. Maybe it’s finding our dream job, spending more time with family, going on amazing vacations or any other notions that seem out of our grasp. Whatever the aspiration, we need support in realizing them, and so did Zavier. I was so grateful for that moment.

So we forged ahead, searching together for Zavier’s $11.00 bill and deep down I pray he finds an abundance of them and never stops looking.

Spiritual Journey – speak with kindness and positivity

Workout – Friday run! Pick a pace that works for you. If you go for a walk, try to move a little faster than your normal pace.

 

 

Lenten Reflections #7

The moment you realize…

you’re at the shoe store and your child’s feet are a size 6 and they are wearing a size 3. Oops and Ouch.

you washed your favorite shirt in a load of rags and now you’re cleaning the bathroom floor with it.

you told your child (a little too loudly) not to “hold going to the bathroom” at a sleepover because he “WILL get a stomach ache”.

you’ve just remade every bed in your home even though they were already “made”.

your parents were right when they said to always live within your means.

your daughter grew two inches, you’ve already hemmed her orchestra dress, and the concert is tonight.

your parents were pretty cool to show up to every game, concert, 4-H event and so much more.

you’re singing along loudly to the School House Rock CD in the car and no kids are present.

your child has holes in his socks and he’s figured out the fold and tuck method to make them work.

your child says, “Now that I’m in 3rd grade, can I call you Mom instead of Mama?” and you say “Um, No.”

you are price matching at Publix.

you’re at the orthodontist so often you get irritated when another parent is sitting in your seat. Rude.

you won’t leave the house without a coupon.

you want to make change for a $20 bill in the collection basket at church.

you just yelled “Don’t forget to say your prayers!!” to your 7th grader who is standing at the bus stop with 10 other kids.

Perfection is overrated.

Spiritual Journey of the day – embrace all your imperfections.

Workout – Walk at least 30 minutes today.

 

 

 

 

 

LENTEN REFLECTIONS #6

Perspectives throughout our lives change based on our experiences, environment, and interpretation. I love that this cartoon shows us the angle at which you look at something can determine your outlook. As a parent, I often feel I’m standing on one side of this picture, my kids on the other staring me down.

Is it a 6 or a 9?

Who is right?

Both.

Who is wrong?

Both.

It’s all about perspective.

How are our youth today molding their worldview? And why is life through their lens so different from ours?

The teenage rollercoaster ride our kids buckle into every day is loaded with biological, social, and psychological pressures making for an exhilarating and terrifying ride. 

The main issue? STRESS.

According to teenmentalhealth.org, developing good physical and mental health is critical to dealing effectively with stress. Our teens today struggle with too little sleep, too much social media, and the constant search for where they fit into it all. 

In high school, I remember late nights at the kitchen table trying to focus on my World History homework. Our fruit pendant light swung casting shadows over the page, my eyes struggling to read about busy Nomads. In the morning, I knew my homework was complete and I was somewhat prepared for tests. I didn’t, however, have the stress I see teenagers shoulder today with every assignment, quiz and standardized test. 

In the article, “Why are girls more stressed out than boys?” author Lisa Damour, states:

” A recent report from the American Psychological Association found that adolescence can no longer be characterized as an exuberant time of life, full of care-free experimentation.

Except for during the summer months, today’s teens now, for the first time, feel more stressed than their parents do.

They also experience the emotional and physical symptoms of chronic tension, such as edginess and fatigue, at levels that we used to see only in adults. Studies also tell us that the number of adolescents reporting that they are experiencing emotional problems and are highly anxious is on the rise.”

I wish I could squirt a little optimistic WD-40 in their exhausted bodies, bolster their spirits and tell them whether they see the 6 or the 9, it really is going to be okay. 

Spiritual Journey:

Rosary today. Respect others’ perspectives and like the song says take “One day at a time SWEET JESUS!”

Workout:

Yoga. Nice Calm Yoga.

LENTEN REFLECTION #5

I often wonder if the techie teams over at Amazon, Google and Apple spent as much time naming our Virtual Assistants as we did naming our children.

My husband and I pored over books when choosing names for our kids. We carefully considered family and saint names and naturally avoided names of students we had taught. Once we whittled down our lists, we focused on finding the seamless first and middle name combination. As a final test, I’d yell out the finalist’s names as if I was calling them for dinner. One of my favorites was “Soriano” the last name of a Yankee second baseman around the time I was expecting our daughter. So I’d holler loudly, “SORIANO! TIME TO EAT!” Nope. Too forced. It didn’t make the cut.

Finally, the decision was made, the books were closed and lists were filed away (just in case we needed them again). Then (as I suggest all new parents do) we made the unspoken promise to tell no one the name until the baby was in our arms. After all, there’s always going to be someone who hates the name, has the name, or knows someone with the name that is a complete dope.

When it came to keeping our kids’ names straight, I was great when they were toddlers. They grew up and I easily called their well-rehearsed names for dinner. Now, my mushy mom brain has thrown all the names in the Ninja Blender and I can’t match the name with the child. It’s like when I play the game of Memory with one of our kids who has 14 matches and I keep turning over the same two cards 1) because I forgot I had just turned them over and 2) because they are the closest to me and Memory requires a lot of stretching and reaching.

Then it happened. I was asking our Google Device to check the weather and inadvertently called it Siri. Then I asked Alexa for directions and she wasn’t even in the car and I am constantly asking Siri questions and I don’t even know where my phone is.

I remember the “look it up in the Encyclopedia days” and calling information for the weather. Now with Virtual Assistants, we barely have to move. The trick is to remember their names and how hard can that be? Hard. For me.

Bottom line. Whether it’s our children or a device, it’s tricky to keep them straight. In our home where the listen and response skills aren’t stellar, I’m just happy when anyone answers me.

TODAY’S PRAYER:

You are not too young

Jeremiah was a young man when God tapped him on the shoulder. In response to God Jeremiah said. “I do not know how to speak: I am too young” (verse 6). But God gave Jeremiah the words and the ability to become a hero. When you need to do something difficult for the good of others, remember God’s response to Jeremiah: “Do not say, ‘I am too young’” (verse 7). God wants you to know that you too are capable of bringing about positive change in the world. God knows what you are able to do and say and be. Listen to God. Jer 1:4-10

TODAY’S WORKOUT:

Do 6 rounds of:

• 10 Pushups
• 15 V-Ups
• 20 Jumping Air Squat or regular squats

 

MY RAW DAILY LENTEN RECOLLECTIONS – #4

Back in the ’70s and early ’80s I’d come home from school, watch one show and have a snack before homework. With only a few choices on the TV listings, I’d turn the TV dial to channel 7 and watch a re-run of The Brady Bunch. That’s what we called them…re-runs. No “streaming” or “on demand” options back in the day.

It was 30 minutes to decompress after school. I enjoyed the show, but when that bunch of Brady’s went to the Grand Canyon, they lost me. I quickly donated my coveted half hour to Kevin and Winnie on The Wonder Years, which quickly became my go-to after school show. I loved it.

Most Thursday nights were reserved for Happy Days followed by Laverne & Shirley and Friday nights started with The Love Boat and finally docked with the most sci-fi-titled show we watched, Fantasy Island. But when Lent rolled around, we gave up TV on Fridays and we’d throw in an 8-track and listen to music. Cool right? I could have sworn it was. 

Why am I telling you about my childhood TV line up?

Because this was our screen time. And if you missed the episode, well, you just waited until the next week.

For our own kids, we put off TV watching for a while. They did not grow up watching Dora or Blues Clues, nor did they know who Sponge Bob was. They survived.

I do, however, remember an oh-so-guilty parenting moment when our daughter came home from 1st grade and said in her outside voice, “EVERYONE” was talking about a “PIG COMMERCIAL” they saw during the Super Bowl and she “DIDN’T KNOW WHAT THEY WERE TALKING ABOUT!” Alligator tears poured out. Geeez.

I immediately felt I had failed her and frantically googled “Pig Commercial” so she could catch up to the screen knowledge pace of her peers.

As they got older, we wove I Love Lucy into the mix and some classic Roadrunner and Coyote Episodes. I know. Cool breeds cool. If you find yourself saying “poor kids” you’re not alone. My husband often says he’s the PG-13 guy who married the G-rated girl and now we’re raising PG kids. It’s a good plan. For us.

Saturday mornings are different now.

This morning the sounds coming from the TV were not “beep beep” from the roadrunner or a laugh track from a family-friendly sitcom. Booming suspense music coupled with screams were heard and when I peeked in the Living Room, the screen was dark with intermittent flashing lights and kids pained, distressed looks on their faces.

The show?

Stranger Things. There’s a book too. If you don’t know about it, ask your kids, but in the meantime here’s a quick overview from Common Sense Media:

“There’s some scary stuff: A man is pulled up into the air and presumably killed by something looming in the air above him. A sympathetic character is suddenly shot and killed; blood and gore are shown briefly.”

My translation: “The Brady’s go to the Grand Canyon – Part 2”.

No thank you.

This was very different from any show I saw at their age.

Now in my defense, I grew up in a pretty well-inflated Catholic bubble. But this was a far cry from Fonzie jumping over those sharks.

Apparently, this is what kids watch. It’s entertaining for some, terrifying for others and just unwatchable for me. I wish they just wanted to watch that dopey pig commercial again.

Today, screen time is abundant and monitoring it is seemingly impossible. Our kids chat amongst themselves about things “trending” or funny Youtubers. I never know what they are talking about and I think that brings them joy. Whatever works.

So when those Stranger Things creep up again, I’ll just go to another room and spend my screen time with the Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. 

SPIRITUAL JOURNEY

HERE IS A PRAYER FROM ONE OF MY FAVORITE LENTEN SITES: DYNAMIC CATHOLIC

WORKOUT OF THE DAY:

:20 HIGH KNEES

:10 REST

:20 JUMPING JACKS

:10 REST

REPEAT 6 TIMES

LENTEN RECOLLECTIONS – #3

It’s Friday night and one of our boys just left to a church retreat, our daughter is at swim practice, and our youngest son is down the street at the park. Other than the dogs’ barking, it’s relatively quiet. Just another Friday? Not for long. Here’s why.

After a PTA meeting, one morning a few moms and I lingered and chatted. Just the typical conversation topics like whether to take AP classes or keep some semblance of sanity, why vaping is dominating and wreaking havoc on our children’s generation…and finally how unreasonably quick the middle and high school years fly.

Unexpectedly, one mom interjected loudly,

“Yup, only 104 Friday nights left with my daughter.”

Wow! I let out a gasp and feebly tried to compute my own child-less countdown. Thankfully, calendar math is not my forte, and truthfully, I didn’t want to think about it.

Of course, we all know it’s going to happen. The days of complaining about unmade beds, shuttling our kids everywhere, and hearing Ariana Grande sing the words “Thank You, Next” 35,000 times are going to come to a screeching halt and I suppose we should mentally prepare ourselves. But I don’t want to.

I know we truly want our children to tackle the world and employ all the good stuff WE as parents (fine, and others) taught them. But why does the time have to suddenly zoom by? I remember attending my daughter’s 6th-grade open house, where her math teacher laid out her students’ math careers for the next seven years!

I sat in that classroom pretending to take notes but instead wrote a story about a crazy, über-planning math teacher who lost a battle trying to ruffle my mom feathers. Four years later, just as Ms. Hill planned, our daughter sits in Honor’s Algebra 2 and like most students, questions when exactly she will need to simplify radicals in her life. My answer is always the same “If you become an Algebra 2 teacher”. This is when she walks away laughing.

As tricky as the journey can be whether you have 1 or 10 children, I’m convinced the departure is going to stink. I distinctly remember my dad telling my eldest sister as we dropped her off at college her Freshmen year, “You don’t have to go.” To which my mom quickly squelched his words with a stern “You’re going to be fine.” And she was. And ours will be too. It’s just all going to happen at once.

Our three children are stair steps and stages race past us like dominoes falling manically. Diaper changing overlapped, elementary school parties coincided, 5th and 8th-grade celebrations were the same day. Soon we’ll have one with a license, another a permit and then down the pike…college (God-willing) and the dreaded tuition overlap. In the interim, we will be busy. We will multitask, and plan, and worry and pray.

We’ll cram so much into our days and wish we had more time, but time comes at a price. It’s up to us to not blow it and forget to be genuinely present for our children. Why?

Well for me, it’s because there are only 128 Fridays, 3 more Easters, 2 more first days of school, 3 birthday cakes to bake and 20,900 hours until my oldest is off to college.

Please pray for me.

Spiritual Workout!

Take a moment and say a prayer for yourself. Know that whatever is on deck in your life, once you step up to the plate, you will not be alone.

Workout for a rainy day

Do as many burpees as possible…modify as needed. 

Sound awful? Stretch!