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Updated: October 22, 2019

40 Reflections #35: 40 days of raw recollections during the Lenten Season

Throughout this Lenten Season I’ve listened to Dynamic Catholic, a daily epistle filled with valuable lessons. A recent reflection titled, Why Worry?, echoed a discussion I had with my daughter relating to the common stressors of being a teenager: driving permits, GPA’s, friends, homework, finishing a race after crashing on your mountain bike, missing a ground ball in baseball, choosing homework over swim practice, projects, tests, loneliness, having a car, dating, not dating, college…the challenge, we agreed, lies in separating the worries we can control from those we must simply let go.

If only it were that easy. My worry pattern goes like this…

As a young mother,

I worried I wasn’t playing with our kids enough. Of course in my mom-mind, this absence of parental-child time would lead them to wade through the quicksand of depression someday. So when they were four, five, and six years old, I decided I would devote 15 minutes of play with each child immediately after their naps. I was confident they would grow up reflecting fondly on the dedicated time we shared playing Candy Land, trains, or dolls. I set my timer and play began!

My plan lasted about 3 minutes. Everyone awoke at the same time and all toys merged as Thomas the Train bulldozed down the Gumdrop Pass, while “doll”  swaddled in her blue and pink striped hospital blanket was laid down to nap smack in the middle of the Peppermint Forest.

Shockingly, my playtime schedule went a little better than my “let’s practice going to church during the week so we don’t look like a train wreck family every Sunday” idea. That story is for another day.

As a daughter,

I worry I don’t visit or call my parents enough. For years, Mom and Dad would traverse from the west to DC, Mexico, Luxembourg, you name it. Wherever their daughters lived, they visited…because “You do for family” as Dad always says. Now, for my octogenarian parents, traveling is not as easy, nor as frequent. So it’s my turn to  visit my loving folks. And call. Always call.

As a mom,

I will always worry about everything when it comes to our growing children. Over-scheduling, too much homework, not eating enough, too little sleep, sugar, phones, texts, mean girls, cyber yuckiness, the list Never. Ever. Ends.

So when I stumbled across this quote,

“We need to care less about whether our children are academically gifted and more about whether they sit with the lonely kid in the cafeteria.”

I first posted it on the wall in our bathroom (captive audience) for my kids to absorb.

Then, I bent it around my mind and refocused my worry lens on serving others. I asked my youngest son, “Do you ever see anyone sitting alone in the cafeteria?” Knowing where I was going with this (plus he had just exited the bathroom), he said, “No, but if I did, I wouldn’t be able to sit with them because we have to stay with our classes.” I pressed, “but if you could move, would you?” “Yes, Mama, I would”. Did I bait him up? Sure. Did he say the right thing? Yes. Would he really do it? Given the fact that our kids have always hated any sort of oppression against their peers, and can spot sadness, effortlessly (I might wear my emotions on my sleeve). Yes, I truly believe he would pack up his Goldfish and banana, ask to move to another table (Cahill’s despise getting in trouble at school), plop down next to his new/lonely/lost friend and rattle on about baseball.

My point?

Perhaps by stifling our own worries about outcomes and status quo, we can transform our restless energy into kindness toward the people who so desperately need to be uplifted, supported or simply want to share a bag of Goldfish during lunch.

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Dig Deep: On your run today clear your mind of worry.

Today’s Challenge: Say and dissect the Serenity Prayer –

God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.

40 Reflections #34:

40 days of raw recollections during the Lenten Season

When the children were younger, for one hour per week at church, we longed to be that family. You’ve seen them. The family with the brood of children who sit with their missals in their laps, following the words of the readings with their fingers, answering the priest’s questions with “Genesis!” or “Luke – Chapter 12!” during the children’s mass, or flawlessly singing all the high notes of”How Great Thou Art”. During the mass, they are referenced by onlooking parents who tell their own children “See they’re sitting” or “That boy doesn’t have his brother in a headlock”. Finally, upon their exit, they receive oodles of acclaim from elderly folks grateful for parents raising the next generation with respect and goodness in God’s House.

Unfortunately, even after putting our kids through practice/training type masses during the week when they were young (seemed so brilliant at the time), Sunday mornings remained drenched with whines, untouched missals, Matchbox Cars stashed in pockets, and little eyes staring up at us asking to be held. To this day, my husband and I sway involuntarily from side to side like palm trees in church, ready to hold any toddler needing a better view.

Enter: Palm Sunday.

Simply knowing Palm Sunday is on deck in the Easter Season brings me great solace. You see, even though the kids are older, there is still a restlessness during mass. As we enter the church we are greeted by our warmhearted Monsignor who bellows out in his Irish lilt, “The Cahill’s are here! Must be time to start mass!”. On that uplifting note, we make our way in, praying (already!) the usher doesn’t scoot us up to the front row. We sit, and as mass begins, there’s a lot of blaming, loud singing, correcting, and “not touching” that goes on in the pew, followed by my shushing, and my daughter’s re-shushing.

But Palm Sunday has something for everyone. Palms. Pliable, soft, fresh, green reeds begging to be manipulated into works of art. This is the Sunday for a long homily when Father can freely cover the highlights of the New Testament and even throw in a few biographies of some saints. Everyone is busy forming their humble cross tied in the middle with palm strings, and there is a feeling of calm throughout the church as we exit.

This Sunday, I vowed not to get too many palms because Mom and Dad taught us to take special care of them like you would a prayer card or rosary. So in that spirit, I placed our unused palms on the table in the narthex for the next fidgety parishioners.

As we climbed in the car, my youngest son said, “Mama, look what I found on a pew on the way out!” He passed me a handful of palms. “Oh great” I lied, “Let’s google how to make a basket when we get home.”

Dig Deep: During Holy Week set your prayer and running intentions each morning and see them through.

Lenten Challenge: Take time for others this week. Give praise, compliments, and love to all who cross your path.

40 Reflections #33: 40 days of raw recollections during the Lenten Season

God doled out just enough water in the Rio Grande to call it a river, so growing up in New Mexico, a land-locked state, there was one activity we rarely did in my hometown. Swim. There was never a lake down the street or a pool next door. My most vivid swimming memory involves a big, bag of sour cherry candy mom would let us purchase after our swim lessons. The tanginess would help me forget about how terrified I was of deep water and make the whole day better. Another recollection was at a 4-H party when I thought how cool it would be to touch the bottom of the swimming pool. I instantly learned this is a much better idea if you actually know how to swim.

Since I wasn’t a great swimmer in my younger years, I had a do-over when I was older. Much older. In fact, I was home one summer during college, and decided to take lessons. As the first class began, I glanced in the next lane and holding onto the side of the pool was my friend Thad from high school. Implicitly, we exchanged the “I can’t believe it’s come to this” look, and proceeded to kick as we clung to the side of the pool in our beloved state surrounded by not one drop of water.

A few years back when we were looking for homes in the Atlanta area, the realtor repeatedly asked us if we wanted to live in a swim-tennis neighborhood. “No, we’re fine.” we would respond, flippantly. As our two-day search continued, we noticed 90% of the communities we visited were outfitted with the southern compound word that is “swimtennis”. As it turns out, we couldn’t be happier to have a pool and a court around the corner. Given my limited pool experience, I was determined to teach the kids to swim. Nowadays, most kids start their pool experience on summer swim teams. We simply taught them the basics, nothing technical.

The swim team idea never crossed our minds until our daughter decided to stop dancing at thirteen. At that point we did the “oh my gosh what will she do” panic so many parents recognize. That summer, we signed all of our kids up for summer swim. Such a brilliant concept and the best bang for your buck! Practice every day and you learn it all. Six or under is the average age to begin this summer swim career, so our children were at a SLIGHT disadvantage, at 11, 12, and 13. But they did it, thanks to a kind college student named Lucy who took them under her wing and guided them through the warm-ups, strokes, and meets.

Despite the chatter of the never-ending, all night swim meets, they turned out to be a great destination once a week. The hum of the crowd, splashing water, kids rooting for each other, Sharpie laden arms listing their events, and the excitement of winning, or not, filled the evenings. Two summers later and we have one out of three children in year-round swim. Like any transition for a teenager, it was lousy just before it got better, but today, she butterflies next to those kids who started right after diapers, and is just as strong. In her case, determination thwarts experience.

We want our children to excel and try it all: band, sports, music, languages, even swim. Ultimately, we yearn for them to have their “thing”… any spark in their day that brings them comfort and a sense of purpose.

Dig Deep: Try cross-training. Diversify your workout to keep your muscles guessing what’s next.

Lenten Challenge:  Your child will follow your example, not your advice. Be the example.

40 Reflections #32: 40 days of raw recollections during the Lenten Season

Nearly every night my son and I read out of a book titled, “365 Days to Knowing God for Guys”. The book was a gift from his Catechism teachers a few years ago. This is our second time through. Tonight’s lesson brought my three favorite subjects together: family, faith and fitness. It was a brief statement about our bodies need for nutritious fuel and not junk food. It reminded me of the carefree philosophy I employed in my 20’s when I was logging numerous miles per day (numerous means greater than or equal to four).

My logic was run to eat. I love food. Spicy, sweet, savory, bread, tortillas, burnt tortillas, more bread, all of it. So in my younger years, when eating out was ALWAYS an option, I would enjoy the delicious cuisine Washington, DC had to offer, and ‘run it all off’ (ha!) the next day. Ahh, a clean slate. Now, a teeny-tiny bit older, I’ve learned I truly need to eat to run. Healthy, clean food has a way of ensuring a smooth, run. It’s the one thing I can control as my body creaks like Oz’s Tin Man, but shorter, and with more heart.

The “365” book states: “Have you ever thought about the fact that your heart and soul are the same…to be able to stand strong for God you’ve got to feed your soul healthy food, and that comes from God’s Word…”.

Respecting our bodies through exercise and our souls with prayer will indeed frame our lives with a healthy scaffolding to support us emotionally, spiritually, and physically.

Time to sleep so we can make it to our daughter’s swim meet. Sometimes I wish the body and soul balance would happen a little later than 6:00 am.

Dig Deep: Combine runs with rosary’s, strength training with sacrifice, and endurance with adoration.

Lenten Challenge: How will you spend your Holy Week? Incorporate more prayer? Fast each day? Who will you pray for? Think about it today.

40 Reflections #31: 40 days of raw recollections during the Lenten Season

When I first met my sweet husband, I never wondered. I may have ‘mused’, or ‘imagined’, even ‘guessed’. Maybe I ‘bet’ things were going to happen. But my hubby? He wondered. About everything.

“I wonder if it will rain…I wonder where I put my wallet…I wonder if I threw it out…I wonder why the dogs are barking again(!). Sometimes he’s “wondering if”. “I’m wondering if the kids heard me the first 12 times I called…I’m wondering if any homework is being completed on those devices.” Don’t we all.

It didn’t take me long to begin my own line of wondering. I wonder if the papers left on our kitchen island need to be in someone’s backpack, or if the trumpet I tripped over should be at school buzzing the theme to Star Wars. I cautiously wonder if our daughter should get her driver’s permit, or if the eight hours our kids spend in school have instances of laughter woven in between the stress, and I wonder if traffic surrounding my husband on his commute home will be texting and rushed, or calm and sensible.

To wonder is a basic curiosity, a question, or speculation. I read the novel “Wonder” by R.J. Palacio to our kids a few years ago, and embraced each character as they traversed through their lives with the main character, Auggie Pullman, a boy born with a genetic, facial abnormality. The story holds our hand as we plod through the emotionally draining days with Auggie. Many of his feelings mirroring our own to a degree, as he experiences the exhaustion of bullies, the warmth of friends, and the solace of family.

About five minutes into the movie, “Wonder” I cried and didn’t stop until my eyes puffed out so much I looked like I may have won the fight I was in. The story celebrated differences, visited sacrifice and friendship, touched on caring, feeling different, faith in humanity, disconnecting and reconnecting, finding the amazing in our children, accepting others, changing the way we see each other, and honoring quiet strength. Please see this movie. You will be a better person for doing so.

Maybe I have always wondered. I certainly wondered if I would ever marry a great guy, and I did. Time to look for my keys, I’m wondering if I threw them out.

Dig Deep: Don’t wonder if you’re going to run, exercise, or take time for yourself, do it!

Lenten Challenge:

A person with wonder and awe knows that God is the perfection of all we desire: perfect knowledge, perfect goodness, perfect power, and perfect love. ~THE SEVEN GIFTS OF THE HOLY SPIRIT

 

40 Reflections #30: 40 days of raw recollections during the Lenten Season

Every night about this time (9:45-10:00 pm) our children are finally in bed. One tucked in with her Geometry homework blanketed over her, another listening to any sports event available on the radio, and finally our Rumpelstiltskin, engineering products upstairs and tossing them over the ledge to the living room upon completion for our review. This is also the time I sit down to write my Lenten Blog which has become a cathartic part of my day.

Within the last few months, I’ve heard this maxim numerous times:

Saying No to One Thing Means Saying Yes to Another

Throughout the last 30 days of Lent, I’ve made the decision to say yes to something I had only contemplated while staying home with my brood, during PTA meetings, working various jobs, making dinner, while praying, and definitely during my runs. Clearly, I had not mastered saying no to the non-stop activities our lives bring, until Lent began. At that point, I made the lofty decision to say yes to sharing my words, my family, and my take on it all, for 40 days. However, yin must have yang, so I had to say no to a few things to balance the yes. NO to sleep (overrated), NO to watching too much news, NO to picking up the book I’ve been grazing through for the last month, and NO to few things I’m forgetting due to lack of sleep.

The No’s in our lives are prevalent. When teaching today, I told a PreK student to clean up the Legos, and in a hearty southern tone, I received a “No, Ma’am!”. Sounds nice-r, but unless the Legos were southern and dipped in charm, they aren’t going to clean themselves up. At home, we typically don’t receive core-driven, spoken “No’s” just the lack of action that speaks louder than the two-letter exclamation. The teeth that aren’t brushed (no), the clothes strewn on bedroom floors (no), or the unwashed pan sitting on the counter (no). As parents, it’s taxing to parse through the no’s and understand what our children are saying yes to…freedom…independence…control?

We’re all searching for a heli-pad for our yes’s to land on. Yes to more prayer, hugs, kindness, family time, humility, plain old goodness, and deep hearty laughter. I’m grateful I said yes to sharing my story. It really is worth every. single. yawn.

Dig Deep: Say no to over-volunteering and yes to taking care of yourself! Run!

Lenten Challenge: A great quote, below…

“Oh, my God. What if you wake up some day, and you’re 65 or 75, and you never got your novel or memoir written; or you didn’t go swimming in warm pools or oceans because your thighs were jiggly or you had a nice big comfortable tummy; or you were just so strung out on perfectionism and people-pleasing that you forgot to have a big juicy creative life, of imagination and radical silliness and staring off into space like when you were a kid? It’s going to break your heart. Don’t let this happen.” ~ Anne Lamott

40 Reflections #29:

40 days of raw recollections during the Lenten Season

Last Tooth – Braces Train

In an effort to help our daughter stay at a good braces pace (off before high school), it was recommended she have a few teeth pulled. When I say a few, I lie. Five teeth. Five! So nearly two years ago we had those teeth yanked and are STILL awaiting the arrival of the new dental dignitaries. Not an easy task when you’re 15.

One thing you should know about our daughter’s character is how it oozes with humility, wit, and just the right amount of fierce needed to reel in her brothers. Simply put, she is a good sport. Not only in the sense of someone who helps their teammate up after a tumble, but that person who has the rare ability to find humor and calm in the hand they were dealt, even if they don’t like playing cards. In her case it’s teeth that need time to grow. Good things do come to those who wait, but two years?

Not surprisingly, at our last appointment with the Orthodontist, she was handed a little yellow slip requesting one more tooth be pulled. I REALLY questioned the pull this time. They showed me where the new tooth was peeking out from behind the goner, so we decided to do it. Always trying to save money, our gal wiggled that tooth for two days straight. As stubborn as the rest, the tooth held strong, and we decided to go to the dentist, and have her LAST baby tooth pulled. No cute tooth necklace this time, just a little container I placed carefully in my purse for safekeeping. The end of an era.

In today’s world, going through orthodontia is as common as watching a DIY YouTube video to learn how to take apart the washing machine and find out what the heck is clanging around in there…maybe that’s just me.

Really, it’s rampant. In fact, at a recent dentist appointment, my husband was told he’d be a perfect candidate for Invisalign, the secret straighteners. After he was told the cost, and stopped laughing, he declined. We both agree there’s a point in life when we’re just too old for some things. So far braces and hoover boards are at the top of the list.

Dig Deep: Happy First Day of Spring! Spend some time gardening and prep the ground for planting yummy vegetables.

Lenten Challenge: Fast from self-concern; feast on compassion for others.

 

40 Reflections #28:

40 days of raw recollections during the Lenten Season

Lost tooth

August of 2009, our daughter realized something was happening to her tooth. She was seven-years-old, and most days, our walk home from the bus included at least one story about a friend losing a tooth, and the sparkly tooth necklace they toted home. In various attempts to play with her loose tooth, she wiggled it with two fingers, moved on with the single finger jiggle, and then discovered her tongue could enlist her tooth to dance. As most kids under 10, she hoped her tooth would fall out at school where lost tooth recipients received a free trip to the nurse’s office, where the tooth holder necklaces were stashed in the bottom file drawer. Much to her dismay, later that day while playing with her brothers, the tooth fell out in the backyard lawn, was rescued, placed in a homemade tooth necklace, and later set gently under her pillow.

Fast forward eight years. Throughout this time, waiting for our daughter’s teeth to fall out was like watching paint dry. Truly there was no rush. Some things just need to happen naturally, right? That’s what we thought…until talk of “small jaws” were slipped into the description of our children’s mouths. Awe. Sounds cute. But then, much like a baton passed in the 400 relay, a little piece of paper from the dentist was handed to us encouraging orthodontia services. After googling ‘orthodontia’ my first thought was, “who even uses that word?” and second, I realized all the chatter about braces was true. These metal wonders cast a wide net. Everyone from ages 7-60 were donning colorful mouths, and pockets filled with teeny rubber bands, special floss, and disposable toothbrushes. All were welcome.

So without looking back (not sure why), we picked the best (aka – most economical) orthodontist we could find. A gem of a man who understood my matter-of-factness when I told him we did NOT want the multi-round plan. That’s when kids get braces right after they kick the diaper habit, give their mouths a break while they learn to walk, and then jump back into the metal molds by grade school. Perhaps a slight exaggeration. We settled on the standard package with a 5% discount when paid in full, and as many tiny containers of floss you can “acquire” upon exiting.

Now that we’ve paid our admission for the braces roller coaster, our trips to the orthodontist are more frequent than our Costco runs. Maybe it’s just me, but either kid’s teeth are growing in looking as haphazard as the megalithic monument Stone Henge, or impeccable, movie star teeth are now the norm. Have you seen anyone under 40? Great pearly whites.

Growing up in the 70’s, our family dentist, Dr. Johnston had a hardy laugh and reading glasses permanently perched on the tip of his nose as he peered into our small-jawed mouths (oh, genetics). While we waited, my sisters and I marked up the well-loved stack of Highlights while rave reviews of “no cavities!” was hollered boisterously from the back of the office. We’d happily head home, and mom would mark the calendar for six months when we’d see our jolly dentist again.

You see, back then, moms like mine possessed the orthodontist super power. This braces radar, or “BRADAR” was so powerful, with one glance at their children’s smile, they could determine whether they truly needed braces. 9/10 times, the answer was no. Sometimes, moms could transfer these stellar abilities to their children and let them decide whether they wanted braces or not. Brilliant. Was the word orthodontia mentioned? Never.

In today’s world, orthodontia is as common as watching youtube for a diy project, and so far, our small-jawed children are fairing well.

Stay tuned, for Part 2 of Lost Tooth, Last Tooth, I’ll take you for a ride on the braces train.

Dig Deep: Healthy lifestyles include exercise, nutrition, sleep, AND good oral health. After your run, remember to floss!

Lenten Challenge: Ensure the reflection you see in the mirror is what God wants you to be…embrace your gifts, even if your smile is slightly crooked.

40 Reflections #27: 40 days of raw recollections during the Lenten Season

I’ve run a lot of races in my day. I’ve also lost a lot of races. My running career started out like most kids with “race you to the end of the road” competitions. Of course we were always a little more motivated if a dog was chasing us. During grade school in New Mexico, I remember running one specific 100-yard dash on the last day of school. Dust was circling the air (grass was not part of our play scape), my feet felt like they were skimming the ground just enough to spring into flight with each stride. I thought for sure I had a chance to break the tape, or rather cross the line drawn with a stick, first.

Then, it happened. The moment your mind accelerates but fails to let your white Keds tennis shoes know you can win this thing. Naturally, your uninformed feet begin their tumble, knees hit the dirt, white shoes fade to earth tones, and you realize you’ve lost, again. But you’re ten, and who cares?

My kids are a little older than I was when my face met the dirt in the 100-yard dive/dash. I’ve noticed a lot has changed since I was younger. Kids are smarter, faster, and have tried everything (aka: well-rounded). For instance, a 4.0 GPA, while stellar in my day, is more commonplace, compared to the 4.6 prospective Valedictorians desire. Throw a 5k at today’s middle school runner and they’ll fly through it, hang their medal on their door knob as they walk in the door to practice their cello, polish up on their Mandarin, and finally wrap up their STEM project showing how to maximize the electrical output of a wind turbine.

For  better or worse, today’s child does so much more than I ever attempted. That’s why I love running. Everyone can do it, and truly everybody wins FOR doing it. From ½ marathons to 5k’s, I’ve learned I’m never going to win, but at the finish line I’m going to crush the senior citizen I’ve been trailing the last mile.

I loved the feeling I had at 10 when I thought I had a win. Was falling in my plan? No. Is it ever? Everybody stumbles. Even Jesus fell three times, got up, and stood strong. As we take risks in life, we discover what is worth falling for, in the hope we arise stronger and wiser. The key is to wipe the dust off your Keds, and toe the line drawn on the ground one more time.

Dig Deep: Sign up for a race. Knowing you have it scheduled will make it easier to train. Watch your step. 🙂

Lenten Challenge: Go to the Stations of the Cross next Friday. Remember, we all fall, even Jesus.

 

40 Reflections #26: 40 days of raw recollections during the Lenten Season

Since 2002, I have written a journal about our family musings. Primarily this endeavor was to chronicle the funny moments in childhood parents just can’t make up. Other days logging my thoughts gave me an outlet to vent my feelings somewhere other dumping them on my dear husband the instant he stepped in the door. Today, this journal serves as a virtual memory keeper for me as it seems busy days blend altogether like the brown Easter egg dipped in every color on the table.

Yesterday I was helping my daughter study for “AP Human Geography” referred to as “AP Human” amid high school students. To parents, I think the AP stands for “A Plethora” of reading about Human Geography, but apparently it’s something different. After studying, I asked my daughter for suggestions on blog topics. She proposed writing a “Throwback Thursday” post about something from their younger years. Perfect idea! Here it is.

Note: when I asked my daughter if I could use her name, she declined, one of my boys simply stated, “sure, I’ll be famous someday anyway.” My theory, if one says no, it’s no.

THROWBACK THURSDAY

On a cold day in December 2014, I jotted down a few words after a stressful day. The kids were 7, 8, and 9 at the time. Maybe you can relate to the events, or even the sentiment attached.

Overwhelmed

• Our daughter said she “hates” school, ballet, and clothes. This was this morning on our drive to school.

• Our middle son threatened to put tape over his brother’s mouth and made his little brother punch himself with his own hand.

• Our youngest couldn’t think of any compound words!

• One son is making random sounds that make me want to scream.

• I bought our daughter tights for Chorus tomorrow night and our dog Lola took them outside, ran around with them and pierced holes in them like Swiss cheese.

• The baby talk is out of hand.

• (And the Mother of the year award goes to…) After frustrating words about homework were exchanged, I told our son I don’t care if he stays in fourth grade for the REST OF HIS LIFE, and he said, “Me either, then I’ll be the smartest in the class.”

• I need to make cookies for school tomorrow as a special dessert for our daughter’s class on her birthday.

• Our daughter told the boys she thinks Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer is questionable and the elf is something you just buy.

A tough day for me, that’s all.

Ever have a day like this? Kids or no kids, 10 or 1, some days can wring out your spirit. I still have moments like these. The characters are the same, feelings are similar, only the topics have changed from ballet to bullies, reindeer to technology, and special desserts to stressful GPA’s. Gratefully, the pleasurable days outnumber the tricky, but more importantly all of my children passed the fourth grade.

Dig Deep: Take a rest day and journal. Sharing the written word is cathartic.

Lenten Challenge: Pick a Bible verse and share it with your children.