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Posted in Family, Faith and Fitness, Parenting/Running/Pets, siblings

Are parental decisions laced with selfishness?

Posted on by Lucretia Cahill

Our kids didn’t attend pre-school. There. I said it.

We did, however, visit one in Virginia back in 2006.

It was off of Columbia Pike, a big commuter thoroughfare in Falls Church. The fancy, stone building looked more like Hogwarts than a preschool. SUV’s and minivans loaded with all the latest screens and cushy car seats lined the parking lot. Once inside, children’s Picasso-inspired artwork lined the walls and kid-sized water fountains dotted the hallways. Outside each doorway stood joyful, young pre-school teachers greeting students and when we visited the classrooms, they were filled with building blocks, endless art supplies, and dress-up costumes so kids could pretend to be whatever they could imagine.

After the tour, we figured we had to do it. We couldn’t possibly deprive our children of the chance to play and learn with kids in this amazing setting.

Or could we?

Back then, the thought of packing up my three pumpkins in the car, driving in rush hour traffic, unloading all three, leaving one and turning around for pick up in a few hours sounded as fun as running barefoot over a lego laden floor.

Simply exhausting. For me.

But as parents, don’t we sometimes lace our decisions with a little selfishness?

For instance, the other day I bought ‘cheezy’ pretzels “for the kids”…but I secretly love them and could eat the entire bag. Another time I signed all of the kids up for year-round swim tryouts slyly knowing my daughter would be the only one who MIGHT want to join the team. Deep down, I knew there was no way she would have put one toe in the water unless her brothers were suffering alongside her. Now she’s on her way to the High School State Swim Meet. Yet another decision made for the good of the group. (Ha!)

Turned out before we had the chance to try the stone-covered kid sanctuary, we moved to Georgia and much like DC and Virginia, most kids attended preschool.

Not us. We were new in the suburbs and stuck together…at home, the library, book stores, museums and lots of parks. We kept our kids home until kindergarten so they could “bond” i.e: fight, cry, laugh, play, nap, sing, learn, grow, read and just be together. Was it always easy? Heck no. Was it worth it? Absolutely. Plus, I could barely find my way to the grocery store much less a preschool.

In retrospect, best decision ever. For ALL OF US.

 

 

Posted in Family, Faith and Fitness

We’re outside playing…

Posted on by Lucretia Cahill

When we were looking for homes in the Atlanta area, we were stunned by the beauty and size of the homes. In our hunt, my ideal neighborhood had sidewalks for running/walking, a local Catholic Church (plus a Trader Joe’s) and ample space for our kids to play.

We finally settled on a lovely home so spacious it could easily fit our quaint Falls Church, VA townhome inside. The bonus was the large walkout backyard (uh-oh no basement for teenagers) and a garage to store lots of stuff we continually talk about donating or selling.

Our first few weeks in suburbia the temperature reached record highs up to 108 degrees. It was awful.

Once it cooled off (99 degrees), we stepped outside to play and were surrounded by empty yards and quiet streets. (!)

Where the **beep** were all the kids we saw in the real estate brochure? (No, there wasn’t really a brochure, but still!)

Naturally, not much deters our family from going outside, so we stayed and played. Every day a little more, eventually connecting with our neighbors. Turns out Hotlanta is a thing. And for most people, the 108-degree temperature was their kryptonite, understandably so.

In my research of outdoor play and it’s unending benefits, I happened upon the 1,000 Hours Outside Challenge, a brilliant idea that involves tracking the time our kids spend outside. “The entire point of 1000 Hours Outside is to attempt to match nature time with screen time. If kids can consume media through screens 1200 hours a year on average then the time is there and at least some of it can and should be shifted towards a more productive and healthy outcome.”

I love this idea and the mission of 1,000 Hours Outside. As an advocate for all things play, I implore families to step outside together in the rain, wind, snow, and sunshine and celebrate the fleeting time we have together.

One more note: if you move to Hotlanta, come in the spring.

Posted in Family, Faith and Fitness

Gandhi and MLK – real heroes of peace

Posted on by Lucretia Cahill

This week we observed Martin Luther King Jr. Day, marking the 25th anniversary of the day of service that celebrates the Civil Rights leader’s life and legacy.

According to the King Institute at Stanford University, Gandhi’s passion for non-violence directly influenced Martin Luther King, Junior. MLK argued that the Gandhian philosophy was “the only morally and practically sound method open to oppressed people in their struggle for freedom.”

Both men were selfless, kind, and generous. They embraced others and fought injustice.

Imagine if today’s world viewed life through the prism of these two heroes. The result would indeed be an array of peace, non-violence, and justice.

Today I thought I’d share two simple and remarkable quotes by both extraordinary men:

I spotted this quote in a church in upstate New York and the sentiment and truth are indelible and worthy of sharing.

An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. 

-Mahatma Gandhi

Martin Luther King Jr. on Gandhi:

“Christ showed us the way, and Gandhi in India showed it could work.”

Live your lives with strength, mercy, and kindness.

Posted in Family, Faith and Fitness, Parenting/Running/Pets, siblings

regret

Posted on by Lucretia Cahill

It was the day I was working inside a 4th-grade classroom when the lead teacher was talking about emotions that I thought about the word regret. “It can be one of the most difficult emotions to experience,” she said. The nine-year-olds shared what they saw as regrets in their lives, so far. “I wish I would have talked to my grandfather more before he died,” said one wide-eyed boy. “I regret forgetting my dollar for ice cream day at lunch,” said another.

R-E-G-R-E-T. Six simple letters strung together to make up one of the trickiest feelings to well, FEEL. Some of our top regrets typically pertain to education, career, love, parenting, finance, health, spirituality and hobbies or lack thereof.

But alas, there are ways to avoid the sinking feeling clinging to regret.

  1.  Don’t story top. Listen first. Take the time to really hear the people you’re with and if the moment presents itself, take your turn. Many times when we think we’re listening, we’re really sifting through of our matching files poising ourselves to jump in and add to the conversation.
  2. Let your kids problem-solve. When the wrestling match is taking place on the living room floor or the study guide is left at home, give them time to come up with a solution before jumping in with yours. You’ll regret solving it for them.
  3. Avoid the green-eyed-monster. Stan and Jan Berenstain said it best in another of their lesson packed books, The Berenstain Bears and the Green-Eyed Monster 
    Sister tried really hard to be happy for Brother as he opened his gifts “…besides, she wasn’t interested in aluminum bats…anyway.” Comparing sparks regret. Don’t fall for it. Your car is good enough, your home is good enough and you are too. Celebrate you and yours.
  4. Take time for each other. This one is time-sensitive. So do it now.

The bottom line, feel good about your choices. I know some days we pour our buckets full of things we PRAY we’ll have the chutzpah to risk. It’s the other days when we hope all of our regrets are sitting in a bucket with a hole in it, dear Liza.

Here are some great thoughts by Brené Brown on regret that are worth sharing:

I’ve found regret to be one of the most powerful emotional reminders that change and growth are necessary. In fact, I’ve come to believe that regret is a kind of package deal: A function of empathy, it’s a call to courage and a path toward wisdom.

Like all emotions, regret can be used constructively or destructively, but the wholesale dismissal of regret is wrongheaded and dangerous. “No regrets” doesn’t mean living with courage, it means living without reflection.

To live without regret is to believe you have nothing to learn, no amends to make, and no opportunity to be braver with your life. I’m not suggesting that we have to live with regret, but I do think it’s important to allow ourselves to experience and feel it.

One of the truest things I’ve ever heard about regret came from George Saunders’s 2013 commencement address at Syracuse University. He said, “What I regret most in my life are failures of kindness. Those moments when another human being was there, in front of me, suffering, and I responded . . . sensibly. Reservedly. Mildly.”

 

Posted in Family, Faith and Fitness, Other, Parenting/Running/Pets

One word to stop using now!

Posted on by Lucretia Cahill

I’ve been thinking about the word SHOULD and all the undone tasks that follow that word. I SHOULD figure out a blogging schedule, I SHOULD learn more about growing my audience, I SHOULD work on my husband’s blog: Keeping Kids in Motion.

I SHOULD write a blog about the word SHOULD.

WAIT! I DID ALREADY. I’m reposting it here:

Ever wake up, glance at the clock, and say, “I SHOULD have gotten up earlier”? Only to follow it with I SHOULD have gone to the gym, prepped dinner, called my parents, run with the dogs, played with the kids, or checked the pockets for that pen before I tossed everything in the wash.

The “S” word is verifiably toxic, yet to avert our gaze away from what our lives would look like if we accomplished all of the SHOULDS is nearly impossible. Haven’t you marveled at the early birds who amble into work chatting about their early morning run, seamless commute, or the dinner menu they prepared for the month? Oh, and if you need the template, it’s on their blog.

When our minds harp on these unaccomplished actions, we sadly allow the only NOW we have to circle the drain.

Here are three ways to shake the SHOULD NARRATIVE:

  1. BE YOURSELF:  Change the lens through which you see yourself, and celebrate who you are and where you are today.

  2. ACCEPT AND ALLOW:  Your reality may be vacant of the plans you slated for your self-years ago, but by clutching onto the people we love, our “SHOULD HAVE” world dissipates. Some say, “Let go, Let God”. Maybe it’s worth a shot.

  3. SET YOUR INTENTIONS: Our deepest hopes are shaped by our intentions. Step out of the noise, serve others, find your passion, and share it!

As I finish this post I think about how I SHOULD have gone to bed earlier, cleaned the toilets, emptied the dishwasher, and bathed the dogs, but this time I’m going to “Let go and let God.”

P.S.:  Dear God, the bowls go in the cupboard on the left.

On faith and fitness:

Go for the walk or run, then call someone you love.

Posted in Family, Faith and Fitness, Parenting/Running/Pets

My mom file is still uploading

Posted on by Lucretia Cahill

The recessed lights in our kitchen have been struggling to turn on…probably a short. I’m not sure why, but Youtube will know. One day when they were slowly brightening the room one by one, our daughter yelled, “Come on lights, upload!” She’s so gentle with her words.

The word “upload” lingered in my mind and I thought about all the new words we use and are now recognized by Webster.

Uploading is transferring information from one device to another.

In a sense, all of us are constantly uploading information each day. In my world, the transfer of information comes mainly from other parents. Parenting Connections may happen while standing in the line at Kroeger or sitting on a cold hard bleacher at a swim meet. Where ever it is, there’s always something to garner from a conversation.

In the last 24 hours, here are some of the words that have uploaded into my mom file:

Who: Mom at a swim meet when talking about her daughter starting a new job after school.

Quote: “I just need her to have a good experience.”

Lesson: In all things, we just want our children to amass their positive moments.

Who: Dad introducing himself to me at a high school event.

Quote: “I’m his mom and dad.”

Lesson: Let’s face it, single parents are superheroes.

Who: Grandfather in a waiting room talking to me about his grandchildren:

Quote: “I really think if my son stopped nagging his kids constantly about their phones, they’d eventually put them down.”

Lesson: Parenting has evolved over the years, but grandparents still know more.

In the blog, What keeps you buoyant? here’s what I said about parent sharing:

Somedays I need a virtual stepping stool. Words. Someone else’s message to grant me the strength to push through the discussions about dicey teenage days, judgy attitudes (sometimes mine) or the pain we all feel and hide deep inside. 

Upload YOUR stories!

Incidental bonus lesson of the day:

Put lotion on your hands AFTER you open the bathroom door.