Tag: life

Posted in Family, Faith and Fitness

What about the Goldfish?

Posted on by Lucretia Cahill

40 Reflections #27: 40 days of raw recollections during the Lenten Season

FLASHBACK STORY…A FAVORITE!

The multitude of miles on the road of motherhood can be bumpy, yet always fulfilling.

As parents, we navigate from diapers to diaries- pacifiers to car keys. Personally, I’ve been blessed to be home with our children throughout their childhood.

A Stay-At-Home-Mom. A title I relish.

Sure, once they are all in college, I’ll work until I’m 95, but right now, I’m home, and isn’t that worth the same as a large 401K?

(Please keep answers to yourselves).

Given the fact our Irish Triplets will be attending college (God-willing) back to back, I have decided to substitute teach (and work other part-time jobs) as much as possible to continue saving. So, I’ve been working nearly every day.

Today, I was offered a long-term substitute position in the Pre-K Special Needs Room. Having worked in this room for years, I knew accepting the position was the right thing to do. Primarily to serve the students but also to support the teachers who work insanely hard in a room where each child’s mind resides on the spectrum.

As I was mulling over the new work schedule with our 15-year-old daughter, she sweetly stated,

“Well, don’t forget about us!”

My heart stumbled on itself. Touched, I uttered, “Awe, you guys miss me when I’m working?”

“Sure.” My daughter assured me. “But we have no food.”

“What?” I questioned.

“REALLY, we have NO FOOD.” 

Visualizing the grocery inventory in my mind, I was certain we had plenty of food for them to make their breakfasts and lunches. So I probed further, “What do we need?”

“Well, you know, Goldfish and Cheez-Its!”

Ah-ha! That’s what they needed me for. I was the supplier of high-carb snack foods for their lunches! It all makes sense now. I asked her to add the items to the Costco list, and I would make my way there Monday.

What I learned:

Whether our children admit missing me or not, I will always supply them with lunch snacks (until I crack the code for those yummy crackers and make my own), drive them wherever they need to go (and take all of their friends), and listen to their stories even if it’s waaay past their bedtime.

Being a mom is indeed the ultimate job for me.

Here’s to Another Good Day!

Thanks for joining me,

Lucretia

Posted in Family, Faith and Fitness

To the ordinary day…

Posted on by Lucretia Cahill

Lenten Reflections #25

To the ordinary day:

Thank you for the mammogram and the basket of laundry. For that long walk with the dogs, two hours on the phone with the Xfinity representative, and the lower bill. Thanks for a job to go to, work that matters, and the rain to wash the pollen away. Thanks for the Costco $1.50 hot dogs, a full tank of gas, and the traffic that slowed my rushed psyche today. For the sink full of dishes, windows to wash and clothes to get dirty. For serenity in the minutia, I thank the ordinary day.

What I learned:

Days devoid of any exceptional or grandiose elements are cloaked in a spiritual goodness, freeing our daily to-do lists to fill us with grace and purpose.

Count every little blessing and thank God for them all.

Here’s to Another good ORDINARY day,

Thanks for joining me,

Lucretia

Posted in Family, Faith and Fitness

Create your own joy

Posted on by Lucretia Cahill

Lenten Reflections #22

Every day, I see kids shine, as children do.

Today, in particular, I saw two first-grade girls riding tricycles slowly around the playground, chatting like senior citizens on a Sunday drive. Then, a group of boys dribbled a soccer ball past them, heading toward the goal and yelling at each other to pass and shoot. Finally, I glanced over to a corner of the playground and saw a few girls digging in the dirt, laughing. To all of these kids, it was just another recess, but to me, it was extraordinary to watch the simplicity of how they manifested their happiness.

With my stellar computing skills, I broke it down to a basic equation:

FRIENDSHIP + PLAY = JOY

What I learned…AND Quotes on joy–

So, if we stick to the simple things in life like connections, kindness, time, and play, we will be that much closer to the joy we all seek. Better head out to the playground.

“We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think.
When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves.”
-The Buddha (Dhammapada)

“Sadly, many of the things that undermine our joy and happiness we create ourselves. Often it comes from the negative tendencies of the mind, emotional reactivity, or from our inability to appreciate and utilize the resources that exist within us. The suffering from a natural disaster we cannot control, but the suffering from our daily disasters we can. We create most of our suffering, so it should be logical that we also have the ability to create more joy. It simply depends on the attitudes, the perspectives, and the reactions we bring to situations and to our relationships with other people.”  –Dalai Lama

Here’s to Another Good Day!

Thanks for joining me,

Lucretia

Posted in Family, Faith and Fitness

Writing is weighty

Posted on by Lucretia Cahill

Lenten Reflections #21

For me, openly sharing my thoughts in a public forum is weighty. Perhaps it is because I hear my mom’s voice telling me and my sisters, “Be careful what you write down…followed by “and always pay your debts.” The former is what I hear when blogging, and the latter rings in my ears the rest of the day. Respecting Mom’s words, I take heed and trudge forward.

When I began sharing my writing with whomever would read it, I was conscious of the vulnerability clinging to every word. I knew it was a powerful way to connect with others, so I kept writing.

Then, while at my son’s baseball game a few years ago, I thought about this vulnerability and how it plays a sneaky James Bond role in all of our lives.

That sunny day, I sat next to a mom whose son was called up to pitch. As he stepped onto the mound, she turned to the parents in the stands and affirmed in her outside voice, “My son has only pitched ONCE IN HIS LIFE, so I don’t know what’s going to happen!”  I assured her we would not judge her or her son. Plus, now we knew he was hers, so we were bound to keep it positive. She continued as most parents would, by hollering, “Just have fun out there, son, and smile!!!” Roughly translated: don’t get hurt, and please, for the love of all that is holy, throw strikes. (Thankfully, there’s an unheralded empathy for parents who watch their child stand in any goal or dig their cleats into the rubber on a pitcher’s mound. Every parent inherently knows to cheer them on (the kids and the parents).

To be honest, when I started blogging, I kind of wanted my mom to also stand up and yell to the world,

“My daughter has only blogged ONCE IN HER LIFE, so I don’t know what is going to happen!”

She didn’t yell it, but she did encourage me to continue writing stories…and to pay off any debts “even if it is only a nickel!”

What I learned:

“Write straight into the emotional center of things. Write toward vulnerability. Risk being unliked.”  – Anne Lamott

Here’s to Another Good Day!

Thanks for joining me,

Lucretia

Posted in Family, Faith and Fitness

When did we start celebrating half-birthdays?

Posted on by Lucretia Cahill

40 Lenten Reflections #20

Today, a student ran over to me and said, “It’s my half-birthday!” “Wow! Happy half-birthday!” I said.

Then I thought, half-birthdays sound exhausting? I can barely keep up with our kids’ regular birthdays, and I was clearly a major player in the birthing process.

SO…When did the half-birthday celebrations begin?

Was it the same manic moment when every child had to get a trophy?

Or maybe when competitive games in school were replaced with cooperative games?

I’ve got it! Half-birthdays must have begun when a tear-filled six-year-old had a tremendous tantrum, yelling, “Everyone else had a birthday party at school, but I have a stupid summer birthday!”

Now, which parent among us wouldn’t cave to that reasoning?

My mom.

In the 1960s and 70s, our 10th birthday was the magic year when my sisters and I could have one birthday party with our friends. Of course other birthdays were memorable as well – family birthdays, we called them. Both of our grandmothers would come to celebrate with us, and Mom would make any birthday cake we wanted out of a little cake book with different designs. My favorite was the pink elephant. Mom sure did a lot of fancy cutting to put that floppy-eared guy together.

But half-birthdays? Nope, not a thing. I have a summer birthday in May, so in today’s world, I should be celebrating my age again sometime around Thanksgiving every year. Once is enough for me…

When I was younger, May would roll around, and we would drive to a small town in Arizona where my mom grew up. This was usually Memorial Day weekend, right around my birthday. My big treat was walking to Herbella’s Mercantile Store, where I would get silly putty and new Jacks to play with. I imagine if I had a half-birthday celebration, it would be Jacks in May and Silly Putty in November.

What I Learned:

To understand the perception of time and the half-birthday syndrome, I read that depending on our age, we view the same amount of time differently. Think about a one-year-old’s life: those 12 months make up their entire experience of life and only 1% of a 100-year-old’s life. Essentially, time goes by slowly like a vintage Volkswagen bus (like waiting for your 6th birthday) and then accelerates like a Porsche (think 50th birthday).

Hitting the midpoint in anything, whether it’s the 12-hour drive home to see family, finishing the first half of a Twix bar, or the moment you realize the bookmark is sitting smack in the middle of life’s novel, there are always emotions attached.

Today, as my Lenten Blogging hits the midpoint, I am so grateful to all of my readers…all 14 of you! I appreciate you sharing this space with me.

Here’s to Another Good Day and a blessed Lent (20 days in…)

Thanks for joining me,

Lucretia

Posted in Family, Faith and Fitness

One Mom’s March Madness

Posted on by Lucretia Cahill

Lenten Reflections #15 – Motherhood — the moments, the madness, the profound joy, the heart-breaking sorrows

A few years ago, on a Friday night, we went to a local pizza place, sat in our regular booth, chatted, and stared up at the outdated TVs, watching any team play basketball. It was March Madness, and with so many teams playing, the stakes and drama were high—it was truly a basketball binge-watching dream for fans.

That night, I watched the teenage workers pace back and forth delivering pizzas to booths, clearing tables, and refilling their clear cups with colorful flavors at the soda fountain machine. I saw a new employee stop and stare at one of the screens, riveted. I looked up. Wrestling? What? I hadn’t seen wrestling since high school…and on a March Madness night? It turned out it wasn’t just any match, it was the Division 1 Wrestling championships, and Iowa’s three-time national champion, Spencer Lee, was in the depths of competing for a chance at a possible fourth straight title. In the end, however, Lee lost the semi-finals to Matt Ramos from Purdue, cementing one of the most historical upsets in D1 wrestling.

Why did it matter to me? Spencer’s mom…

As notable as the loss, Spencer Lee’s mom was shown reacting to her son’s defeat. As soon as the referee lifted the winner’s arm (which was NOT attached to her son), Lee’s mom tore her glasses off her face and smashed them in her hands, not one, not two, but three times, hurling them to the floor.

Now that’s mad! Mad at the ref? The opponent? Her son?

Or is it passion? Or sadness? Or frustration?

My mind reeled. Sometimes as parents, we are overly invested emotionally and financially in our children’s activities, sports, and school progress. That is to say, we may fail to recall who is swinging the bat, writing the essay, swimming the mile, and solving the equation. Hint: It’s not us…something I forget quite often. Our (sometimes unreasonable) expectations of what our kids can and should do are crystal clear in our minds: run faster, pitch harder, and study smarter. Easy for us to say.

Is it the “happiness” we want for our kids?

The joy of winning the race or getting into their number one college? I suppose the accomplishment is kinda like a Prime package at our doorstep where underneath the bubble wrap sits all the justification you need for your investment of time, money, and heartache. Of course until the next thing and the next.

Perhaps, as parents, we conflate passion and perfectionism.

Let’s face it, seeking perfection is a fool’s errand. We are all messy and cluttered and muddling through the days. Maybe the lesson here is that sometimes other kids are going to do a lot better than our own kids on the field or in the classroom. Sounds like real life doesn’t it?

I recently read about Esther Wojcicki, author of “How to Raise Successful People”. She is best known as the “Silicon Valley’s godmother” and mom to three very successful daughters: Susan, the former CEO of YouTube, Anne, co-founder and CEO of 23andMe, and Janet, a professor at UC San Francisco. By implementing her parenting philosophy, which Esther refers to as TRICK: trust, respect, independence, collaboration, and kindness, she feels she was able to raise capable, successful children. As far as being a parent, Wojcicki suggests focusing on your behavior. She says, “Parenting gives us perhaps the most profound opportunity to grow as human beings.”

What I learned this week:

Real life is all I know. Real joy, real feelings, real pain. Sundays I sit at church and gaze at the Stations of the Cross on the walls, and I see our own journeys to Calvary. Falling some days, getting up the next. Being carried and lifted, scorned and loved. Some days we need to carry each other on the path. Mr. Rogers’ mother used to tell him in times of tragedy, Grace will always show up in the helpers. Be the helper. Be there for the mom who hurls her glasses, the kid who misses the fly ball, and your own child who needs your presence, not your commentary. Not today anyway.

Here’s to Another Good Day!

Thanks for joining me,

Lucretia

Posted in Family, Faith and Fitness

Mom’s Dementia

Posted on by Lucretia Cahill

40 Reflections – #12:  40 days of raw recollections during the Lenten Season

I’m not sure when we transitioned from the word “forgetting” to Dementia when referring to Mom’s sweet mind. “My memory is not so great anymore,” she’ll say. My three sisters and I learned tips to lessen her pain of not remembering. Things like: Don’t start a sentence with “Remember when…” or ask”What did you eat for breakfast?” or “How many teaspoons of salt in tortillas?” It’s a process. My sisters are pros; I, on the other hand, plop in for intermittent visits and say the wrong things, but in that sense, dementia will work its black magic and present her mind with a clean slate.

I wrote a few quick essays about my most recent trips to see my parents, which I’ll share here. They are simply passing moments in my experience with them. Now 86 and 89 years old, they have been married 65 years next month. I reminded them separately of the milestone date, and they both had the same reaction, “That’s all!!!!?”

Here’s to Another Good Day with Mom and Dad

Wednesday 11:00 pm –

I arrived home late, too late for Mom to understand it was me, so I led with my blanket line, “It’s your daughter Lucretia”. I realized there was a good chance she was too exhausted to get it because sleep is critical for every age and in all functioning. They were clearly exhausted. Dad was trying to run out and give our friends who picked me up from the airport carne seca (jerky), but they had already headed home. Dad just wants to thank and give and be a part of the world. When your mind rarely rests, like his, activity and social stimulation are healing.

It’s sobering helping your mom figure out which end of the toothbrush gets the paste because now toothbrushes are huge or helping her find the back of her PJs. This is the same mom who could solve the puzzle of Simplicity sewing patterns, notches, and all. She could sew anything, measure, adjust, and add zippers, ruffles, and sleeves with ease. She’s my hero. She wanted 10,000 times more of what she had for us. And by God, she made it happen. Looking back, I bet with every application she typed (real-deal typed) for us, whether for a college, scholarship, award, or 4-H whatever, she probably thought, you know what, these girls are going to devour this world and spit it out when they are done. Totally crush it. 

What I learned:

Dementia stinks. But I am so grateful for every visit to see my parents.

Here’s to Another Good Day – even the tough ones.

Thanks for joining me,

Lucretia


Posted in Family, Faith and Fitness

What lies under our piles of worry?

Posted on by Lucretia Cahill

(Spoiler Alert: It’s Love)

40 Reflections – #11:  40 days of raw recollections during the Lenten Season

Lately, I’ve been worrying about stuff. Mom stuff, kid stuff, work stuff, parent stuff. As a cock-eyed optimist, I try to focus on only worrying about 8-10 things at once. It’s not easy when my mind spins like a kid on a Ferris wheel who just ate 3 funnel cakes. A little joyful a little nauseous. I worry about retirement, Medicaid, cholesterol, my parents, taxes, heaven, hell, you name it. A new worry is what if it’s my time to go and God is in a cranky mood and brings up that trigonometry test I may or may not have cheated on and still got a C?

At work, first graders are constantly worried about equal turns, cheating, and name-calling and think if they holler “It’s not fair!” all things will go their way. Maybe if we voiced our qualms like kids and yelled our fears into a megaphone the world would nod aggressively in agreement, give a thumbs up, and you’ll say “Aha! I knew I wasn’t alone!”

What I learned:

Worries are valid, but after all the worrying, you move forward, listen to John Lennon sing about everything being okay in the end, take one step, then another, and breathe. You slow down.

You find that when the wall of worry falls brick by brick, underneath it all sat love waiting patiently…and you saved it from being smothered.

Ending with a favorite…

Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, is not pompous,
it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own
interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood
over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but
rejoices with the truth.
It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things,
endures all things.
Love never fails.
1 Corinthians 12:31-13:8a

Here’s to Another Good Day.

Thanks for joining me,

Lucretia

Posted in Family, Faith and Fitness

Angels Among Us

Posted on by Lucretia Cahill

#9 – Lenten Reflections – 40 Raw reflections during the Lenten Season

A few weeks ago I went to visit my parents. I’m the youngest of four girls and my parents, now 86 and 89 require more caretaking these days. Before I left, I let my students know I was going for a few days to take care of my parents. As always, I tried to weave a life lesson into why I needed to go. I excel in overexplaining.

I began, “You see your parents take care of you now and then someday when they get older, you’ll take care of them. Also, my mom is having cataract surgery.” Suddenly there were a few connections to the word surgery. “Ohhhh…my mom had surgery on her knee!”

“My dog had special surgery too! Wait, what is surgery?”

“Can we play the chair game or do a scavenger hunt?”

The subject change sounded a lot like my own children’s strategy. Abort! Eject! Way too much information. I lost them in the life lesson.

Maybe some of the first graders were listening…either way, they knew where I’d be out for a few days. I’m sure they jotted it on their Google calendars. Ha.

After my return to school, class began like any other Monday. First grade came in bustling, loud, and joyful. As the kids took off their jackets and found their spots on the rug, Reagan, a bright-eyed girl, strode over, looked directly at me, and asked, “How are your parents?”

Tears welled up in my eyes. I was floored by her sincerity. I hugged her, thanked her, and told her they were doing well. They are just older. But I’m so lucky to have them. “Oh good,” she said. I spoke to her like I would an old confidant. One of those gem friends where you can pick up right where you left off. An angel with a high ponytail wearing a plaid skirt and a blue polo shirt.

Reagan skipped off, plopped down on the carpet and immediately reached over to the friend next to her and began tying his shoes for him. Another boy chimed in, “She ties mine too. I mean my dad is trying to teach me at home but Reagan ties mine here.”

I shook my head and thought, wow…this six-year-old has more love in her heart than I’ve witnessed in years. Thank God for the Reagans in the world.

What I learned:

Some people, no matter their age see a great need. They load up bottles of water in their cars and hand them to the thirsty, one soul at a time.

They start small. Maybe check on a friend, listen to someone’s story, tie a shoe.

Simple gifts are empathy. Simple gifts are healing. Simple gifts mean never leaving anyone out. Jesus didn’t. Even Judas got a place at the table.

Here’s to another good day. Please pray for a quick recovery for the Pope.

Thank you for joining me,

Lucretia

Posted in Family, Faith and Fitness

Cultivating Selflessness

Posted on by Lucretia Cahill

#2 Lenten Reflections

The other day I was waiting to board my flight to Atlanta and overheard an anxious young woman discuss her seat location with her husband. She held a frothy coffee in one hand and phone in the other, and nervously said, “The agent said I’d have to wait until I was on the plane to change seats. I let her know I just can’t sit in an exit row. Not with all the recent flight accidents. It’s not my turn, I am not the person to sit in that seat…not this time.” I watched as her husband sat silently, nodding in agreement.

I settled into the comfy, leather-like seat at the Albuquerque airport and pondered her words. “It’s not my turn.” I applauded her honesty and clarity in knowing what she could and could not handle. But when is it our turn? When do we raise our hands to help another, give the Heimlich maneuver to someone choking, or save the child running into the road? Are some people just innately selfless?

Richard Lui, is a journalist and author of  Enough About Me: The Unexpected Power of Selflessness where he explored self-sacrifice as he cared for his father with Alzheimer’s. Along with practicing acts of kindness and showing gratitude, Lui recommends building selflessness muscles. Muscle memory is what helps us remember how to swing a bat or ride a bike. So training your brain to choose others over yourself will build up your selflessness muscles.

My Connection…

Years ago, one of my three older sisters retired from her job after 30 years as a software engineer to care for our parents. She didn’t take a big trip around the world to celebrate her successful career or become a master gardener, she and her husband simply sold their home and moved closer to Mom and Dad. All four of us pitch in, but as the primary caretaker, she is the driver, the contact for the doctors, the shopper, the organizer, the constant in their lives that brings them the comfort of knowing they can make it through today and tomorrow. I have never known someone so incredibly selfless and generous. There are 53 million Americans who are caretakers in the United States, and she is one of those saints who has a special place in heaven just for her.

So whether you’re ready to brave the exit row today or on your next flight, give a little bit of yourself.

Pope Health Update: According to the Vatican, he “remained stable compared to previous days” and did not have “episodes of respiratory insufficiency”. Please pray for him.

Thanks for joining me,

Lucretia