Posted in Family, Faith and Fitness

Mom’s Dementia

Posted on by Lucretia Cahill

40 Reflections – #12:  40 days of raw recollections during the Lenten Season

I’m not sure when we transitioned from the word “forgetting” to Dementia when referring to Mom’s sweet mind. “My memory is not so great anymore,” she’ll say. My three sisters and I learned tips to lessen her pain of not remembering. Things like: Don’t start a sentence with “Remember when…” or ask”What did you eat for breakfast?” or “How many teaspoons of salt in tortillas?” It’s a process. My sisters are pros; I, on the other hand, plop in for intermittent visits and say the wrong things, but in that sense, dementia will work its black magic and present her mind with a clean slate.

I wrote a few quick essays about my most recent trips to see my parents, which I’ll share here. They are simply passing moments in my experience with them. Now 86 and 89 years old, they have been married 65 years next month. I reminded them separately of the milestone date, and they both had the same reaction, “That’s all!!!!?”

Here’s to Another Good Day with Mom and Dad

Wednesday 11:00 pm –

I arrived home late, too late for Mom to understand it was me, so I led with my blanket line, “It’s your daughter Lucretia”. I realized there was a good chance she was too exhausted to get it because sleep is critical for every age and in all functioning. They were clearly exhausted. Dad was trying to run out and give our friends who picked me up from the airport carne seca (jerky), but they had already headed home. Dad just wants to thank and give and be a part of the world. When your mind rarely rests, like his, activity and social stimulation are healing.

It’s sobering helping your mom figure out which end of the toothbrush gets the paste because now toothbrushes are huge or helping her find the back of her PJs. This is the same mom who could solve the puzzle of Simplicity sewing patterns, notches, and all. She could sew anything, measure, adjust, and add zippers, ruffles, and sleeves with ease. She’s my hero. She wanted 10,000 times more of what she had for us. And by God, she made it happen. Looking back, I bet with every application she typed (real-deal typed) for us, whether for a college, scholarship, award, or 4-H whatever, she probably thought, you know what, these girls are going to devour this world and spit it out when they are done. Totally crush it. 

What I learned:

Dementia stinks. But I am so grateful for every visit to see my parents.

Here’s to Another Good Day – even the tough ones.

Thanks for joining me,

Lucretia


Posted in Family, Faith and Fitness

What lies under our piles of worry?

Posted on by Lucretia Cahill

(Spoiler Alert: It’s Love)

40 Reflections – #11:  40 days of raw recollections during the Lenten Season

Lately, I’ve been worrying about stuff. Mom stuff, kid stuff, work stuff, parent stuff. As a cock-eyed optimist, I try to focus on only worrying about 8-10 things at once. It’s not easy when my mind spins like a kid on a Ferris wheel who just ate 3 funnel cakes. A little joyful a little nauseous. I worry about retirement, Medicaid, cholesterol, my parents, taxes, heaven, hell, you name it. A new worry is what if it’s my time to go and God is in a cranky mood and brings up that trigonometry test I may or may not have cheated on and still got a C?

At work, first graders are constantly worried about equal turns, cheating, and name-calling and think if they holler “It’s not fair!” all things will go their way. Maybe if we voiced our qualms like kids and yelled our fears into a megaphone the world would nod aggressively in agreement, give a thumbs up, and you’ll say “Aha! I knew I wasn’t alone!”

What I learned:

Worries are valid, but after all the worrying, you move forward, listen to John Lennon sing about everything being okay in the end, take one step, then another, and breathe. You slow down.

You find that when the wall of worry falls brick by brick, underneath it all sat love waiting patiently…and you saved it from being smothered.

Ending with a favorite…

Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, is not pompous,
it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own
interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood
over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but
rejoices with the truth.
It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things,
endures all things.
Love never fails.
1 Corinthians 12:31-13:8a

Here’s to Another Good Day.

Thanks for joining me,

Lucretia

Posted in Family, Faith and Fitness

Is it time to pivot?

Posted on by Lucretia Cahill

What is your life’s PR?

40 Reflections – #10:  40 days of raw recollections during the Lenten Season

PR is a running reference standing for personal record. It is your best performance in a given race. A PR serves as an internal motivator for the runner, pushing them toward increased efficiency and progress. Personally, my race PR peaked years ago. As the years flew by, my finish times waxed, and my goal was to simply complete any given race without having to scour the course for a port-a-potty before the finish.

The beauty of the PR is the concept of beating your own time. Showing improvement, becoming better, faster, stronger. Before a race, I would visualize myself running every mile with speedy, long, smooth, pain-free strides. Ultimately, I would limp away from the crowd at the finish, proud of myself, grateful it was over, and pleased to have a conversation starter for the next week, “So, I ran a 10K on Saturday…”.

Does the PR concept apply directly to our perceived self-worth?

In life, running, work, school, relationships, diet, you name it, your body and mind settle into a routine, burn-out sets in, and frustration ensues. Is it time for a change? Should we pivot? Maybe. If you feel like the foundation of whatever is stagnant is holding you in a vice, it’s time. Change requires a lot of self-reflection, learning, and adapting. Where will we be valuable? How will we help others? When will we wake up and know that we are sharing our unique gifts in service of others. Wait, do we even have unique gifts? (Yes)

Pivot?

Trust me. You are not the only one who slogs through the day while others seemingly sashay by without any obstacles tripping them over. But sometimes the slog is a sign, a reminder that it is okay to pivot. It’s okay to change jobs or majors, or whatever is stopping you from reaching your personal best.

What I learned:

Life’s PR doesn’t have a number. Our journey is not set up on a digital timer where we sprint to the finish knowing we’ll have another chance to run the same race. Time only goes one way; we get one shot at life. It’s up to us to leave our mark, perfect our personal narrative, pray more, compare less, and perhaps pivot.

Here’s to ANOTHER GOOD DAY!

Thank you for joining me,

Lucretia

Lenten Prayer: “But as for that day or hour, no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.”  Mark 13:32

Posted in Family, Faith and Fitness

Angels Among Us

Posted on by Lucretia Cahill

#9 – Lenten Reflections – 40 Raw reflections during the Lenten Season

A few weeks ago I went to visit my parents. I’m the youngest of four girls and my parents, now 86 and 89 require more caretaking these days. Before I left, I let my students know I was going for a few days to take care of my parents. As always, I tried to weave a life lesson into why I needed to go. I excel in overexplaining.

I began, “You see your parents take care of you now and then someday when they get older, you’ll take care of them. Also, my mom is having cataract surgery.” Suddenly there were a few connections to the word surgery. “Ohhhh…my mom had surgery on her knee!”

“My dog had special surgery too! Wait, what is surgery?”

“Can we play the chair game or do a scavenger hunt?”

The subject change sounded a lot like my own children’s strategy. Abort! Eject! Way too much information. I lost them in the life lesson.

Maybe some of the first graders were listening…either way, they knew where I’d be out for a few days. I’m sure they jotted it on their Google calendars. Ha.

After my return to school, class began like any other Monday. First grade came in bustling, loud, and joyful. As the kids took off their jackets and found their spots on the rug, Reagan, a bright-eyed girl, strode over, looked directly at me, and asked, “How are your parents?”

Tears welled up in my eyes. I was floored by her sincerity. I hugged her, thanked her, and told her they were doing well. They are just older. But I’m so lucky to have them. “Oh good,” she said. I spoke to her like I would an old confidant. One of those gem friends where you can pick up right where you left off. An angel with a high ponytail wearing a plaid skirt and a blue polo shirt.

Reagan skipped off, plopped down on the carpet and immediately reached over to the friend next to her and began tying his shoes for him. Another boy chimed in, “She ties mine too. I mean my dad is trying to teach me at home but Reagan ties mine here.”

I shook my head and thought, wow…this six-year-old has more love in her heart than I’ve witnessed in years. Thank God for the Reagans in the world.

What I learned:

Some people, no matter their age see a great need. They load up bottles of water in their cars and hand them to the thirsty, one soul at a time.

They start small. Maybe check on a friend, listen to someone’s story, tie a shoe.

Simple gifts are empathy. Simple gifts are healing. Simple gifts mean never leaving anyone out. Jesus didn’t. Even Judas got a place at the table.

Here’s to another good day. Please pray for a quick recovery for the Pope.

Thank you for joining me,

Lucretia

Posted in Family, Faith and Fitness

We lost a lizard…

Posted on by Lucretia Cahill

40 Reflections – #8: 40 days of raw recollections during the Lenten Season

THROWBACK THURSDAY!

Today we lost a lizard.

We’re taking care of our neighbor’s pets and somehow, the lid of the terrarium came off, and this morning the gecko was gone. We looked in all the dark places we thought he would hide. Behind the curtains, along the molding, under beds. But the little guy just wouldn’t show his face, plus the cats weren’t talking (suspicious), so we had to stop looking for the moment.

That’s the challenge with anything…the moment you realize you have no control over a situation. If a dog is lost there are signs to post, and numbers to call, but a lizard is a lone warrior. He has to be strong, stealthy, and smart in that little body with no one to hold a leash or place a chip inside. We paused our search and prayed to St. Anthony to help us find the lizard and of course St. Francis. After all, whether someone’s pet is a three-inch gecko or a 150-pound Great Dane, it still brings joy and unconditional love to our lives.

As I pushed aside socks under the bed looking for this little guy, I thought about the days when all we wanted to do was climb into the quietest, sun-filled spot in our world and just sit. Free from the buzz of the phone, the worry in our hearts, and the stress each day potentially brings. Perhaps that’s what our gecko friend is doing now.

Tomorrow we’ll look again. Up on ceilings, under couches, and on window sills. Maybe, just maybe, he’ll be back home – after all, home should always be the safe place we share with those we love. Faith always leads us home.

What I learned – 2025 Update:

Faith almost always leads us home, but not with this lizard.

Please pray for the Pope and pray to St. Francis for all the lost pets and their owners searching for them.

Thanks for joining me,

Lucretia

Posted in Family, Faith and Fitness

5 NO-EXCUSE Workouts

Posted on by Lucretia Cahill

Movement makes the heartbeat stronger

Lenten Reflections #7 – 40 raw reflections during the Lenten Season

Lenten Reflections #7 – 40 raw reflections during the Lenten Season

While at the gym the other day I saw a family friend from church who I stopped to chat with for a minute. Typically, I am not very social at the gym – I mean, most people are listening to whatever is pumping out of their earbuds/phones so I don’t feel guilty. But I felt like I should at least say hello. After a few moments of pleasantries about family and running, he blurted, “I feel like I’m always playing catch-up at the gym! We went out of town to visit our daughters and I just haven’t been able to exercise. Plus, I retired so the pressure of the schedule is gone and even though I used to get up and run before work every day, it’s so hard now. Why is that?” He looked tired and defeated after his speech which sounded more like a confession than small talk. We tend to do that, overanalyze why we haven’t done something, and then immediately beat ourselves up because we didn’t do it.

I commiserated with him on the lowered motivation and told him somedays I have to convince myself I can always do something. Anything. A brisk walk, pushups, stretching, just move! No excuses. Plus, he was at the gym already so he was much better off than most. We said our goodbyes and I said, “I’ll see you at church, or here!” He said, “Okay, not much difference in the letters. You know CRUNCH gym and CHURCH.” Ha ha! I liked the connection.

So in an effort to spread a little motivation around, I came up with five workouts that will help carve out a fraction of our day just for ourselves. Not only will it make us happier, but everyone around you will benefit from the fact that you exercised today!

Here they are, pick one, set aside 15 minutes…

Ready, Set, Go!

#1 – 6 Rounds For Time: 10 Pushups, 10 Air Squats, 10 Sit-ups

#2 – 8 Rounds For Time: Handstand 30 seconds, 10 Squats

#3 – 10 Rounds For Time: 10 Walking Lunges, 10 Pushups

#4 – 10 Rounds For Time: 10 Pushups, 10 Sit-ups, 10 Squats

#5 – 20 Rounds For Time: 5 Pushups, 5 Squats, 5 Sit-ups

What I learned:

Muscle mass is a use-it-or-lose-it benefit. According to the National Library of Medicine, 30% of adults over age 70 have trouble with walking, getting up out of a chair, or climbing stairs. In addition to making everyday tasks difficult, mobility limitations can also cause falling, chronic disease, nursing home admission, and mortality.

Let’s opt for movement!

Thanks for joining me,

Lucretia

Continued prayers for the Pope and all on your prayer lists.

Posted in Family, Faith and Fitness

Sometimes it’s the running partners with four legs that keep your pace steady and your heart strong…

Posted on by Lucretia Cahill

40 Lenten Reflections #6 – a daily raw recollection during the Lenten Season

Ever since I was young, I’ve pined for the feeling of safety. The warmth and security a robin feels when it buries its head under its wing to stave off the bitter cold. I crave comfort and abhor fear. I was once told (yes, by a therapist), that my personal tendency is to place myself in situations that are not safe because I yearn to conquer this panic. Moving to DC on my own, running at night, living in India where I traveled alone, and sleeping on the beach in Mexico by myself (with several mosquitos). These were all experiences I chose to help strengthen my being, or so I thought. Then one cold day in January 1994, a jet-black puppy with ears as soft as satin, spirited eyes, and a gentle soul found me and pledged to keep me safe. It was a non-verbal promise, but as soon as we became family, a sense of relief, happiness, and belonging ensued.

Now it was me and Misty living in DC running at night, together. In a sense, she carried me through adulthood and gave me the courage to try things that were new, daring, and at times not too bright. She’d wait for me in the car at night if I had to run to the store, she’d linger for hours while I worked double shifts and was ready to jump in the car at 3:00 am so we could find a parking space across the street at “the far lot” and we’d run back together. She caught my tears, listened when I had to talk, and sat next to me while I went for a drive, ears flapping in the wind.

I’ve been on a lot of walks and runs in my life. Some with friends with whom you share your latest triumphs or queries; others with family where you talk about growing up, religion, or maybe even politics – if you’re careful. Being outside with someone – or alone, whether walking or running is a time when a bond is formed.  After running with Misty, my brain always thought more clearly, and my soul felt more alive.  She ran with me, ahead of me, next to me, jumped in Rock Creek, and powered up the rocks back on the trail to finish our run. I was always leery to let her run off-leash thinking she’d decide to really catch the squirrel this time — once I even thought I’d lost her, but on that snowy day in Maryland, she was out running with deer in a field as happy as could be.  She saw me and came right back.  The elation she showed when flying down a hill, herding another dog during a game of fetch, or jumping in the water, was priceless. Had I restricted her, she would have missed out on all of those moments dogs need to thrive and be alive.

Then, when Misty was 17, I had to let her off her leash, literally and figuratively. My running partner needed to rest. As mournful as it was, it was the right thing to do. Our children were five, seven, and eight years old then and were very attached to her, so we went to the backyard and spent a few minutes with Misty before we took her to the vet. The breeze was strong that Saturday in February as we all prayed, cried, and gazed into her eyes one last time.

What I learned:

“Having a good dog is the closest some of us are ever going to come to knowing the direct love of a mother or God.” —Anne Lamott, Small Victories

Misty was a good one.

Thank you for joining me,

Lucretia

Please pray for the Pope.

Posted in Family, Faith and Fitness

One word to stop using…

Posted on by Lucretia Cahill

40 Reflections – #5:  40 days of raw recollections during the Lenten Season

Ever wake up, glance at the clock, and say, “I SHOULD have gotten up earlier” only to follow it up with “I SHOULD have gone to the gym, prepped dinner, called my parents, run with the dogs, played with the kids, or checked the pockets for that pen before I tossed everything in the wash?”

The “S” word is verifiably toxic, yet to avert our gaze away from what our lives would look like if we accomplished all of the SHOULDS is nearly impossible. Haven’t you marveled at the early birds who amble into work chatting about their early morning run, seamless commute, or the dinner menu they prepared for the month?

Let’s ditch the SHOULD have narrative with three easy tips:

  1. BE YOURSELF:  Change the lens through which you see yourself, and celebrate who you are and where you are today.
  2. ACCEPT AND ALLOW:  Your reality may be vacant of the plans you slated for yourself years ago, but by clutching onto the people we love, our SHOULD HAVE world dissipates. Some say, “Let go, Let God” It’s worth a shot.
  3. SET YOUR INTENTIONS: Our deepest hopes are shaped by our intentions. Step out of the noise, serve others, find your passion, and share it!

What I learned:

When our minds harp on these unaccomplished actions, we sadly allow the present moment to circle the drain. All of the should haves coupled with regret keep popping up. I run low on forgiveness – mostly towards myself and allowing the “Did Not Do” list to ruin my day. I have heard that forgiveness is our work on earth. So let’s start with ourselves and those around us. Celebrate the now and keep moving forward.

DIG DEEP:  On your next run or walk, bring a friend, and you do the listening.

Please Pray for the Pope…he’s improving.

Thank you for joining me,

Lucretia

Posted in Family, Faith and Fitness

Empty nest, empty yard

Posted on by Lucretia Cahill

Hanging onto the memories

Lenten Reflections #4 – Raw recollections during the Lenten Season

While weeding in the yard today I walked over to our kid-size picnic table, purchased at a yard sale years ago. We had just moved from DC to Georgia and the little gem was the perfect addition to our new yard. Blue paint on the table peeked through the two layers of a glossy red shade we used to cover it over the years. It sat there tired as an old oak tree – enduring, yet vulnerable to heat and the many visitors who had rested on its wood. It needed some love, so plank by plank, I scraped off the old paint and tightened all of the rusty screws. I thought back to the sunny lunches at the table with the kids, the obstacle courses they’d create jumping over the table to the finish line. Easter eggs were found tucked in a bottom corner, our dogs slept in its shade, and freshly carved pumpkins perched on it every Halloween. Our own version of the Giving Tree. I brushed it off, convincing myself I’d get back to its restoration sooner than later. It held a zillion memories and I felt like just maybe I could preserve them with some sandpaper and more paint.

The sun was setting so we took the dogs for a walk. On the way, we stopped to visit with a few neighbors who were out piddling in their yards. Around the corner was “the big candy house” duly named because the sweet couple always gave the kids full-size candy bars on Halloween. We chatted with the dad about a few trees he had to have taken down. “They were childhood trees,” he said. The kids even named one Blossom, it stood right there. He swept his arm toward an empty spot in the yard as if he were painting a quick replica of Blossom in his mind. He continued, “But, we had to take it down, then came the basketball hoop. It was sad, but, it was time.” He stood a little taller, “Well, we’re all getting older, so it’s okay. It’s what happens”. On the way home we saw one of our dearest friends who jokingly asked us if we wanted the truck in her driveway. She just wanted to get rid of it but her husband has an emotional attachment to it…and all his boys’ baseball gear filling the garage. It all sounded so familiar. The lessening was all around us.

What I learned:

I’ve always pondered the kids’ memorabilia within the four walls of our home, the old uniforms, the artwork, and the trophies. Then that darn picnic table stirred up my emotions, followed by Blossom the tree, and the truck. Nostalgia is triggering. But time scoots off like a chuckling cheetah and we have a choice – to sink into the quicksand of loss or relish the memories, plant new trees, and repaint that cute picnic table.

Please pray for the Pope and thanks for joining me,

Lucretia

Posted in Family, Faith and Fitness

Parenting Connections – Why is bonding so beneficial?

Posted on by Lucretia Cahill

40 Reflections – #3:  40 days of raw recollections during the Lenten Season

When our children were younger, I would accompany them to birthday parties, playdates, practices, and other events and watch, wait, and chat with other parents. I loved connecting, it was like I would imagine the old Eharmony but for parents. A time to find your tribe of trusted moms and dads, then ever-so-carefully pick a few who relate to your cheeky humor, and pray your kids and theirs are in the next room bonding over a juice box.

As our kids aged, I noticed parents would leave these events, and return at the “pick-up time”.  I always opted to stay, plopping down on the ground, cherishing my chats with the few other parents who would sit in their comfy cup-holding canvas chairs (such a great invention).  Sure, sometimes, I was the mom who brought a book that other parents respectfully knew meant – whoever holds the book has just put themselves in a quiet, parental time out, a virtual “do not disturb sign”. That was rare. I needed to chat, commiserate about the losses, and celebrate the wins.

As the kids got a little older there was another shift. Either I grew more confident (or less patient waiting) and would go for a run while they practiced. As long as I was within a mom’s stone’s throw between them, I felt I could still get to them and perform CPR as needed. Of course, I was always happy to get in a run, but I missed the parent-share conversations… those words exchanged between parents that only the gap of time when our children are engaged with their friends allowed.

One night, all three of our children had events simultaneously, and a tough moment ensued.  Clearly, we had to pick our least favorite child, leave them at their designated practice, and accompany the others.

Kidding. Our eldest was the default, and since some nights I was the lone mom hanging out for the two hours at swim practice anyway, I figured she’d be okay while I took our son to baseball practice. As I drove away, of course thinking the worst, it was one of the few times I was grateful our daughter had a phone. Plus, at baseball, there were other helicopter parents like myself to share best practices, a clear bonus. It all worked out.

What I learned:

Our children’s activities, whether we realize it or not, give us a chance to pause and discover we are not the only ones bouncing around blindly in this parenting pinball game. While our kids solidify their friendships at birthday parties or discover they truly despise dancing in toe shoes (my daughter), we are given the gift of connection to share our stories with other parents and listen to theirs.

Back then, I remembered feeling the weight of parenting lightened knowing I wasn’t the only parent who…

  • yelled at my children and regretted it profoundly seconds after
  • colored my gray roots at home out of a box
  • cursed at Siri when she doesn’t listen
  • never checked pockets before doing laundry
  • considered cereal dinner
  • took apart the washing machine, found the penny bonking around, and ended up with extra screws when reassembling
  • stayed up way too late listening to our children’s worries that only bubbled up at bedtime
  • wiped the tears from our children’s eyes, and our own when their hearts were broken
  • prayed our children would find their best friend
  • forgot to pick up their child at school/practice/Sunday School
  • delivered their child’s forgotten homework to school
  • bought bras at Costco (“one size fits most”)
  • panicked about working after years of staying home with the kids
  • clutched onto their children –  as someone who is way too young died in a car accident, from a health complication, or God forbid — inside their school.

Our children are now all in college, but the bonds with those parents from the little league field, mountain biking trails, pool, and dance studio have stayed strong. Simply allowing ourselves to be transparent, and investing in relationships makes us better parents. It takes pluck to be vulnerable, but there is courage in the imperfect, strength in sharing, and certainty in the uncertain.

Dig Deep:  Time your run (or walk briskly), then challenge yourself to do the same thing faster tomorrow.

Lenten Challenge:  “Give feet to your faith”. Feed the hungry, pray for the sick, and share your grace with everyone who crosses your path.

Pope Health Update: VATICAN CITY, March 7 (Reuters) – Three weeks to the day after being admitted to Rome’s Gemelli hospital, Pope Francis is still struggling to shake off the double pneumonia that has battered his already fragile health.

Please pray for the Pope.