Posted in Family, Faith and Fitness

10 tips for taking care of our aging parents

Posted on by Lucretia Cahill

Lenten Reflections #32

Caregiving is both a blessing and a challenge. Between my sisters and me, we manage our parents’ care. I’ve mentioned before that I live the furthest away, so I carry less of the load. Recently, I have been coming more on weekends to help out and have learned that just as I’m preparing to leave, I finally grasp the tips and tricks that make the day easier.

Things like:

  1. Be direct – Answer questions and don’t overexplain: the more complex the answer, the more confusion ensues.
  2. Give hope – Say yes to requests and ideas…if Mom thinks she’s going to recover the chairs in the kitchen, say YES, we can go to the fabric store.
  3. Stay calm – Calm begets calm
  4. Emphathize – Amid the moans and groans from aging and exhaustion from working outside, grab the heating pad, warm some tea, and use Aspercreme.
  5. Nourish – Never underestimate the power of Cheerios any time of day for Mom and a peanut butter sandwich for Dad.
  6. Go outside – Take a walk, sit in the shade, look up at the sky, and take notice.
  7. Laugh – Mom is amazing at laughing at herself, even if she puts her shirt on backwards or, this morning, her bra. She says, “You could write a story about this and call it Idiot’s Delight.”
  8. Let them – let them do as much as they can on their own. Independence is priceless.
  9. Love them – Remember you are still their child,d and they need your love even more than they need you to help put in their partials (teeth). Although both are very important.
  10. Listen – You’ve heard the stories a million times; let them tell it again.

What I learned:

I’m lucky to have my parents and my sisters, and I pray I have the same positivity as I grow older, even if I put my bra on backward someday.

Here’s to Another Good Day!

Thanks for joining me,

Lucretia

Posted in Family, Faith and Fitness

The blank page…

Posted on by Lucretia Cahill

40 Reflections #31: 40 days of raw recollections during the Lenten Season

Tonight is one of those nights when I stare at a blank page. No clue what to write. Guess I should have planned rather than gone organic. Let’s see…

Yesterday, I watched a woodpecker balance upside down in a very acrobatic foraging pose, using its tail feathers like a tripod and clinging effortlessly to peck the heck out of the nuts and seeds we had out. I mean, even this guy went in with a plan, and I’m sitting here with a blank page!

I arrived at the airport this early morning, thankfully with lots of time before my flight, as security was packed. I felt like I won the lottery when my bag did not get flagged, and I could lace up my shoes and head to gate A19.

As I settled in my aisle seat, my window neighbor had arrived. He was an elderly gentleman with only his Sudoku book and a pencil capped with a red eraser marking his last page.

“Sudoku will pass the time”, he said.

He had zero electronic devices to set on airplane mode, no earphones taken from the flight attendant to plug in and watch whatever Delta is offering on the screens dotting the seatbacks. Instead, he stared out the window like we used to, watching luggage load and busy workers shuffle around the tarmac.

We had the loveliest conversation. Turns out he’s a motorhome guy with fascinating stories. Which I will share…soon!

I arrived at my childhood home to help take care of my parents. Mom recognized me (thank you Jesus), and Dad asked if the flight was full as he had my last 1,583 flights prior. Ahhhh…normalcy.

Now, my blank page is full, and so is my heart. More tomorrow.

Here’s to Another Good Day!

Thanks for joining me,

Lucretia

Posted in Family, Faith and Fitness

Bedtime + Kids = so many questions

Posted on by Lucretia Cahill

40 Reflections – #30: 40 days of raw recollections during the Lenten Season

It is quiet at home tonight. Justin and the dogs are asleep, the Braves are on TV, and I thought back to the memorable, noisy nights when the kids were home. I looked back on a few older pieces I wrote and found this recollection of our unforgettable nightly routine:

I had a post started for today, but I was redirected physically and mentally toward what makes every day complete: my children.

Bedtime in our home has become a sacred time. It is when the day’s silly moments, most profound questions, and emotional tribulations bubble up. And I am always ready to listen.

When the kids were younger, there were questions following prayers. I would stand in the hallway like a professor at a podium and take all inquiries: “What are we doing tomorrow? Will it be cold? Should we play soccer or baseball first? When does the pool open? Can we make waffles in the morning?”

Then, there were the medical mysteries. Most days, our kids stay healthy, aside from a few ‘must-have’ Band Aids. But at bedtime — BAM! The ailments roll in after the final Amen. “My arm/leg/knee/head/elbow hurts!”

Their questions vary: “Who will I eat lunch with on the first day of school? Will the teacher understand if I didn’t annotate my bibliography? Why is there so much drama with girls? Will we travel for spring break? Can you pick me up early from school? Pleeeease?”

Then the recent doozies: “Why are kids being shot in their schools? Will that happen to us? Will I get in trouble if I walk out and protest against gun violence?” And…Sometimes, they simply give you the bitter truth and say, “I’m scared”.

What I learned:

I consider bedtime my prime listening opportunity because, quite frankly, I don’t have answers. Sure, I can console after a messy friendship issue and confirm the weather will be warm enough for shorts. However, when the questions are beyond comprehension, I kneel by their bedside one more time, and we say an extra prayer for lives lost, families broken, and those kids in the world who feel so terribly alone.

What I continue to learn:

Always take the time to listen to your children and those you love. They are reaching out for a reason.

Here’s to Another Good Day!

Thanks for joining me,

Lucretia

Posted in Family, Faith and Fitness

Planting Patience

Posted on by Lucretia Cahill

Lenten Reflections #29

Yesterday, I asked a kindergarten class to share one highlight of their weekend. As we went around the circle, there were stories about lost teeth, the new Minecraft movie, sleepovers, lacrosse games won, and soccer goals missed.

When it was Gigi’s turn, she sat up a little higher on her knees. Her pensive, smiling blue eyes squinted as she announced loudly, “I planted seeds in my garden! Peas, tomatoes, lettuce, green beans, and peppers…but we need to wait patiently before they grow.” Gigi is five, and she understands patience.

Patience is a lost art. Like writing letters. Or phone calls. Or cursive.

When I grew up, patience meant waiting in line for confession every Saturday, the Albuquerque Journal in the morning, or Ted Koppel on the evening news. Patience was waiting for a cassette to rewind so you could listen to your favorite song again and for a TV special like “Charlie Brown’s Christmas” to air every 365 days. Patience was shaking a Polaroid picture to see the magic it brought.

According to Pamela Davis-Kean, a professor of psychology at the University of Michigan by age 6 or 7, kids begin understanding the concept of patience as they think about their own behavior and the consequences of their behavior.

Kids aren’t born with patience. It’s a quality they develop over time.

“We live in a social world, and we can’t have everything we want when we want it — that’s where patience and self-control come in,” says Pamela Cole, a professor of psychology and human development at Penn State. “The years between toddlerhood and kindergarten are critical for developing patience.”

So when I heard Gigi say she needed to wait for the seeds to grow, I felt grateful. Grateful for forbearance from a five-year-old and especially grateful for a renaissance of the ability to wait.

What I learned:

Sometimes, five-year-olds are more brilliant and cognizant of the world around them than the rest of us.

Go plant your garden!

“The day you plant the seed is not the day you eat the fruit. Be patient and stay the course.” —Fabienne Fredrickson

Here’s to Another Good Day.

Thanks for joining me,

Lucretia

Posted in Family, Faith and Fitness

8 Quotes about Renewal and Springtime

Posted on by Lucretia Cahill

Lenten Reflections #28

Some days, I just need to read words from the wise. Today was one of them. So, I compiled a few to share with you. A reminder that although worry hangs over us like a pall, knowing that tomorrow will bring us renewed life is the power we need to move forward.

  1. “Through your deepest wound, Light enters.” – Rumi
  2. “There can be no renewal of our relationship with nature without a renewal of humanity itself.” — Pope Francis
  3. “There is a cleansing from winter darkness the moment we sink our fingers into spring’s fresh earth.” — Toni Sorenson
  4. “There is in us an instinct for newness, for renewal, for a liberation of creative power. We seek to awaken in ourselves a force which really changes our lives from within. And yet the same instinct tells us that this change is a recovery of that which is deepest, most original, most personal in ourselves. To be born again is not to become somebody else, but to become ourselves.” — Thomas Merton
  5. “One’s doing well if age improves even slightly one’s capacity to hold on to that vital truism: ‘This too shall pass.’” – Alain de Botton
  6. “Just like moons and like suns, With the certainty of tides, Just like hopes springing high, Still I’ll rise.” – Maya Angelou
  7. “I would rather be ashes than dust! I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze than it should be stifled by dry-rot. I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet. The proper function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. I shall use my time.” – Jack London
  8. “In the study of the Way, each day something is dropped. Less and less do you have to force things, until finally, you arrive at the place of non-action, where nothing is forced, and nothing remains undone.” – Lao Tzu

What I learned:

Words are transformative.

Here’s to Another Good Day.

Thanks for joining me,

Lucretia

Posted in Family, Faith and Fitness

What about the Goldfish?

Posted on by Lucretia Cahill

40 Reflections #27: 40 days of raw recollections during the Lenten Season

FLASHBACK STORY…A FAVORITE!

The multitude of miles on the road of motherhood can be bumpy, yet always fulfilling.

As parents, we navigate from diapers to diaries- pacifiers to car keys. Personally, I’ve been blessed to be home with our children throughout their childhood.

A Stay-At-Home-Mom. A title I relish.

Sure, once they are all in college, I’ll work until I’m 95, but right now, I’m home, and isn’t that worth the same as a large 401K?

(Please keep answers to yourselves).

Given the fact our Irish Triplets will be attending college (God-willing) back to back, I have decided to substitute teach (and work other part-time jobs) as much as possible to continue saving. So, I’ve been working nearly every day.

Today, I was offered a long-term substitute position in the Pre-K Special Needs Room. Having worked in this room for years, I knew accepting the position was the right thing to do. Primarily to serve the students but also to support the teachers who work insanely hard in a room where each child’s mind resides on the spectrum.

As I was mulling over the new work schedule with our 15-year-old daughter, she sweetly stated,

“Well, don’t forget about us!”

My heart stumbled on itself. Touched, I uttered, “Awe, you guys miss me when I’m working?”

“Sure.” My daughter assured me. “But we have no food.”

“What?” I questioned.

“REALLY, we have NO FOOD.” 

Visualizing the grocery inventory in my mind, I was certain we had plenty of food for them to make their breakfasts and lunches. So I probed further, “What do we need?”

“Well, you know, Goldfish and Cheez-Its!”

Ah-ha! That’s what they needed me for. I was the supplier of high-carb snack foods for their lunches! It all makes sense now. I asked her to add the items to the Costco list, and I would make my way there Monday.

What I learned:

Whether our children admit missing me or not, I will always supply them with lunch snacks (until I crack the code for those yummy crackers and make my own), drive them wherever they need to go (and take all of their friends), and listen to their stories even if it’s waaay past their bedtime.

Being a mom is indeed the ultimate job for me.

Here’s to Another Good Day!

Thanks for joining me,

Lucretia

Posted in Family, Faith and Fitness

“Be the reason!”

Posted on by Lucretia Cahill

Lenten Reflections #26

First graders’ energy levels skyrocket on Fridays. So today, for the final five minutes of Spanish class, I decided the most logical (?) plan was to play the class’s favorite game and meet them where they were…As we set up our circle, the concept of personal space was immediately squelched, and rowdiness was rampant. Bad logic.

I then heard the strong voice of Caroline bellow through the racket,

“Be the reason we play the game and not the reason we don’t!”

Everyone stopped. Caroline was impressed by the reaction of her classmates, stood a little taller and repeated her mantra, this time a little louder:

“Be the reason we play the game and not the reason we don’t!”

Order was restored, and the game continued.

I could have dinged every bell, used every call and response, flicked every light, and threatened to cancel Halloween, but there is no way I would have received the same reaction Caroline did.

The calm returned, we were able to play three rounds of the game.

After Caroline’s pep talk, they were all the REASON WE PLAYED THE GAME.

What I learned:

Sometimes, the words of a peer are more powerful than anything else. Caroline’s “Be the reason” call to action was grounds for goodness and showed we can each make a difference; she certainly did!

Here’s to another good day!

Thanks for joining me,

Lucretia

Posted in Family, Faith and Fitness

To the ordinary day…

Posted on by Lucretia Cahill

Lenten Reflections #25

To the ordinary day:

Thank you for the mammogram and the basket of laundry. For that long walk with the dogs, two hours on the phone with the Xfinity representative, and the lower bill. Thanks for a job to go to, work that matters, and the rain to wash the pollen away. Thanks for the Costco $1.50 hot dogs, a full tank of gas, and the traffic that slowed my rushed psyche today. For the sink full of dishes, windows to wash and clothes to get dirty. For serenity in the minutia, I thank the ordinary day.

What I learned:

Days devoid of any exceptional or grandiose elements are cloaked in a spiritual goodness, freeing our daily to-do lists to fill us with grace and purpose.

Count every little blessing and thank God for them all.

Here’s to Another good ORDINARY day,

Thanks for joining me,

Lucretia

Posted in Family, Faith and Fitness

Finding Faith through Stories

Posted on by Lucretia Cahill

40 Lenten Reflections – #24

Years ago, on any given weekend, our 14-year-old son was typically riding bikes, exploring the woods, and climbing trees with a friend. One Saturday, he came home from the trails and told us a tree fell on him. Thankfully, his friend was able to lift it off as it was a small, older pine tree. He wore his bike helmet, so luckily, he only had a few scratches on his face and legs. On Monday at school, a classmate asked about the mark on his face. So, our son shared his story.

“So, do you have a video of it?” a boy asked.

“No video,” our son replied.

“Well then…it didn’t happen.” The boy said flatly.

They debated back and forth, and finally, our son, a professional selective listener, confirmed, “Yes, it did happen.” He then moved on, ignoring further hassle.

At bedtime, he told me this story, and we sat and picked it apart like old layers of paint peeling off a wall, trying to find the original color.

What happened to imagination and faith?

The boy’s need for documentation was testimony that technology negotiates our day with swipes, texts, and posts. We click pictures of our meals and memories, shorten words, and deliver messages as fast as our thumbs can go. Conversations dwindle with our busy lives, as does the age-old craft of storytelling. This is exactly what our son was doing.

As young children, there’s an unwavering faith in stories.

Maurice Sendak takes us to a wild rumpus and faithfully floats us home with Max as he arrives home to his warm dinner.

Faith in friendship is palpable when Charlotte sits in her web and says: “You have been my friend. That in itself is a tremendous thing. I wove my webs for you because I liked you. After all, what’s a life, anyway? We’re born, we live a little while, we die. A spider’s life can’t help being something of a mess, with all this trapping and eating flies. By helping you, perhaps I was trying to lift up my life a trifle. Heaven knows anyone’s life can stand a little of that.”
― E.B. White, Charlotte’s Web

Faith requires vulnerability. Stripping the need for that which is tangible.

In “Yes, Virginia There is a Santa Claus” Francis Church interprets faith in his editorial in The New York Sun in 1897: “You tear apart the baby’s rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived, could tear apart.” When Mr. Church referred to “the skepticism of a skeptical age” in the story, he was speaking to grown-ups and the dwindling of religious faith among middle-class Americans in the 19th century. Faith in faith.

Now, that doubt cloaks children, too.

What I learned:

We make an emotional investment with every story we tell. Some may believe that if a tree falls on a boy in a forest, it’s true, but doubters will question and want video proof. The vital action is to tell the story, be the raconteur, and propel your listeners on a journey of faith.

Lenten Challenge: Keep story-telling alive!

Here’s to Another Good Day!

Thanks for joining me on my storytelling journey and having faith in me,

Lucretia

Posted in Family, Faith and Fitness

Empathy is what makes us human

Posted on by Lucretia Cahill

LENTEN REFLECTIONS #23

Empathy is in the news today. Chatter about how to eliminate it.

Eliminate a feeling?

Just backspace seven times and delete a feeling. Nope. Not today. Not ever.

We teach empathy in schools. It’s the right thing to do.

I did a little research and discovered some interesting facts:

  1. According to Psychology Today, empathy is the ability to recognize, understand, and share the thoughts and feelings of another person, animal, or fictional character. Developing empathy is crucial for establishing relationships and behaving compassionately. It involves experiencing another person’s point of view, rather than just one’s own, and enables prosocial or helping behaviors that come from within, rather than being forced.
  2. Individuals with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) typically show a lack of empathy.
  3. In Hitler’s book Mein Kampf, he reveals his extreme views and hatred, which are often seen as indicative of a lack of empathy.
  4. Brené Brown has a clever video on the difference between empathy and sympathy. EMPATHY V SYMPATHY
  5. In his sermon on July 1, 2018, Rev. David Justin Lynch from St. Cecilia’s Church in California talked about Jesus and said, “He wept at the tomb of Lazarus, sharing the grief of the family of Lazarus before restoring Lazarus to life. When the disciples of Jesus showed a lack of empathy by repelling children from Jesus, He rebuked them and welcomed the children to him with open arms. That Jesus esteemed empathy as a laudable human trait can also be seen from a situation where he was invited to dinner at the home of a Pharisee. There, a woman anointed the feet of Jesus with expensive oil, and dried them with very long hair. The Pharisees criticized Jesus for wasting expensive oil and allowing a woman they deemed a sinner to touch him. Jesus responded that, unlike the Pharisee who had invited him to dinner, the woman empathized with the tired condition of his feet by kissing and anointing them, and that she was a better host than the Pharisee was. Jesus recognized the value of her empathy when He told her that her sins, whatever they might have been (scripture doesn’t tell us), were forgiven, and to go in peace.”

What I learned:

Empathy is here to stay. Without it, we are empty, egocentric vessels.

Hold on to your true self. Honestly, grasp it with both hands and don’t let go.

Here’s to Another Good Day.

Thanks for joining me,

Lucretia