Category: Family, Faith and Fitness

Posted in Family, Faith and Fitness

Finding Faith through Stories

Posted on by Lucretia Cahill

40 Lenten Reflections – #24

Years ago, on any given weekend, our 14-year-old son was typically riding bikes, exploring the woods, and climbing trees with a friend. One Saturday, he came home from the trails and told us a tree fell on him. Thankfully, his friend was able to lift it off as it was a small, older pine tree. He wore his bike helmet, so luckily, he only had a few scratches on his face and legs. On Monday at school, a classmate asked about the mark on his face. So, our son shared his story.

“So, do you have a video of it?” a boy asked.

“No video,” our son replied.

“Well then…it didn’t happen.” The boy said flatly.

They debated back and forth, and finally, our son, a professional selective listener, confirmed, “Yes, it did happen.” He then moved on, ignoring further hassle.

At bedtime, he told me this story, and we sat and picked it apart like old layers of paint peeling off a wall, trying to find the original color.

What happened to imagination and faith?

The boy’s need for documentation was testimony that technology negotiates our day with swipes, texts, and posts. We click pictures of our meals and memories, shorten words, and deliver messages as fast as our thumbs can go. Conversations dwindle with our busy lives, as does the age-old craft of storytelling. This is exactly what our son was doing.

As young children, there’s an unwavering faith in stories.

Maurice Sendak takes us to a wild rumpus and faithfully floats us home with Max as he arrives home to his warm dinner.

Faith in friendship is palpable when Charlotte sits in her web and says: “You have been my friend. That in itself is a tremendous thing. I wove my webs for you because I liked you. After all, what’s a life, anyway? We’re born, we live a little while, we die. A spider’s life can’t help being something of a mess, with all this trapping and eating flies. By helping you, perhaps I was trying to lift up my life a trifle. Heaven knows anyone’s life can stand a little of that.”
― E.B. White, Charlotte’s Web

Faith requires vulnerability. Stripping the need for that which is tangible.

In “Yes, Virginia There is a Santa Claus” Francis Church interprets faith in his editorial in The New York Sun in 1897: “You tear apart the baby’s rattle and see what makes the noise inside, but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever lived, could tear apart.” When Mr. Church referred to “the skepticism of a skeptical age” in the story, he was speaking to grown-ups and the dwindling of religious faith among middle-class Americans in the 19th century. Faith in faith.

Now, that doubt cloaks children, too.

What I learned:

We make an emotional investment with every story we tell. Some may believe that if a tree falls on a boy in a forest, it’s true, but doubters will question and want video proof. The vital action is to tell the story, be the raconteur, and propel your listeners on a journey of faith.

Lenten Challenge: Keep story-telling alive!

Here’s to Another Good Day!

Thanks for joining me on my storytelling journey and having faith in me,

Lucretia

Posted in Family, Faith and Fitness

Empathy is what makes us human

Posted on by Lucretia Cahill

LENTEN REFLECTIONS #23

Empathy is in the news today. Chatter about how to eliminate it.

Eliminate a feeling?

Just backspace seven times and delete a feeling. Nope. Not today. Not ever.

We teach empathy in schools. It’s the right thing to do.

I did a little research and discovered some interesting facts:

  1. According to Psychology Today, empathy is the ability to recognize, understand, and share the thoughts and feelings of another person, animal, or fictional character. Developing empathy is crucial for establishing relationships and behaving compassionately. It involves experiencing another person’s point of view, rather than just one’s own, and enables prosocial or helping behaviors that come from within, rather than being forced.
  2. Individuals with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) typically show a lack of empathy.
  3. In Hitler’s book Mein Kampf, he reveals his extreme views and hatred, which are often seen as indicative of a lack of empathy.
  4. Brené Brown has a clever video on the difference between empathy and sympathy. EMPATHY V SYMPATHY
  5. In his sermon on July 1, 2018, Rev. David Justin Lynch from St. Cecilia’s Church in California talked about Jesus and said, “He wept at the tomb of Lazarus, sharing the grief of the family of Lazarus before restoring Lazarus to life. When the disciples of Jesus showed a lack of empathy by repelling children from Jesus, He rebuked them and welcomed the children to him with open arms. That Jesus esteemed empathy as a laudable human trait can also be seen from a situation where he was invited to dinner at the home of a Pharisee. There, a woman anointed the feet of Jesus with expensive oil, and dried them with very long hair. The Pharisees criticized Jesus for wasting expensive oil and allowing a woman they deemed a sinner to touch him. Jesus responded that, unlike the Pharisee who had invited him to dinner, the woman empathized with the tired condition of his feet by kissing and anointing them, and that she was a better host than the Pharisee was. Jesus recognized the value of her empathy when He told her that her sins, whatever they might have been (scripture doesn’t tell us), were forgiven, and to go in peace.”

What I learned:

Empathy is here to stay. Without it, we are empty, egocentric vessels.

Hold on to your true self. Honestly, grasp it with both hands and don’t let go.

Here’s to Another Good Day.

Thanks for joining me,

Lucretia

Posted in Family, Faith and Fitness

Create your own joy

Posted on by Lucretia Cahill

Lenten Reflections #22

Every day, I see kids shine, as children do.

Today, in particular, I saw two first-grade girls riding tricycles slowly around the playground, chatting like senior citizens on a Sunday drive. Then, a group of boys dribbled a soccer ball past them, heading toward the goal and yelling at each other to pass and shoot. Finally, I glanced over to a corner of the playground and saw a few girls digging in the dirt, laughing. To all of these kids, it was just another recess, but to me, it was extraordinary to watch the simplicity of how they manifested their happiness.

With my stellar computing skills, I broke it down to a basic equation:

FRIENDSHIP + PLAY = JOY

What I learned…AND Quotes on joy–

So, if we stick to the simple things in life like connections, kindness, time, and play, we will be that much closer to the joy we all seek. Better head out to the playground.

“We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think.
When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves.”
-The Buddha (Dhammapada)

“Sadly, many of the things that undermine our joy and happiness we create ourselves. Often it comes from the negative tendencies of the mind, emotional reactivity, or from our inability to appreciate and utilize the resources that exist within us. The suffering from a natural disaster we cannot control, but the suffering from our daily disasters we can. We create most of our suffering, so it should be logical that we also have the ability to create more joy. It simply depends on the attitudes, the perspectives, and the reactions we bring to situations and to our relationships with other people.”  –Dalai Lama

Here’s to Another Good Day!

Thanks for joining me,

Lucretia

Posted in Family, Faith and Fitness

Writing is weighty

Posted on by Lucretia Cahill

Lenten Reflections #21

For me, openly sharing my thoughts in a public forum is weighty. Perhaps it is because I hear my mom’s voice telling me and my sisters, “Be careful what you write down…followed by “and always pay your debts.” The former is what I hear when blogging, and the latter rings in my ears the rest of the day. Respecting Mom’s words, I take heed and trudge forward.

When I began sharing my writing with whomever would read it, I was conscious of the vulnerability clinging to every word. I knew it was a powerful way to connect with others, so I kept writing.

Then, while at my son’s baseball game a few years ago, I thought about this vulnerability and how it plays a sneaky James Bond role in all of our lives.

That sunny day, I sat next to a mom whose son was called up to pitch. As he stepped onto the mound, she turned to the parents in the stands and affirmed in her outside voice, “My son has only pitched ONCE IN HIS LIFE, so I don’t know what’s going to happen!”  I assured her we would not judge her or her son. Plus, now we knew he was hers, so we were bound to keep it positive. She continued as most parents would, by hollering, “Just have fun out there, son, and smile!!!” Roughly translated: don’t get hurt, and please, for the love of all that is holy, throw strikes. (Thankfully, there’s an unheralded empathy for parents who watch their child stand in any goal or dig their cleats into the rubber on a pitcher’s mound. Every parent inherently knows to cheer them on (the kids and the parents).

To be honest, when I started blogging, I kind of wanted my mom to also stand up and yell to the world,

“My daughter has only blogged ONCE IN HER LIFE, so I don’t know what is going to happen!”

She didn’t yell it, but she did encourage me to continue writing stories…and to pay off any debts “even if it is only a nickel!”

What I learned:

“Write straight into the emotional center of things. Write toward vulnerability. Risk being unliked.”  – Anne Lamott

Here’s to Another Good Day!

Thanks for joining me,

Lucretia

Posted in Family, Faith and Fitness

When did we start celebrating half-birthdays?

Posted on by Lucretia Cahill

40 Lenten Reflections #20

Today, a student ran over to me and said, “It’s my half-birthday!” “Wow! Happy half-birthday!” I said.

Then I thought, half-birthdays sound exhausting? I can barely keep up with our kids’ regular birthdays, and I was clearly a major player in the birthing process.

SO…When did the half-birthday celebrations begin?

Was it the same manic moment when every child had to get a trophy?

Or maybe when competitive games in school were replaced with cooperative games?

I’ve got it! Half-birthdays must have begun when a tear-filled six-year-old had a tremendous tantrum, yelling, “Everyone else had a birthday party at school, but I have a stupid summer birthday!”

Now, which parent among us wouldn’t cave to that reasoning?

My mom.

In the 1960s and 70s, our 10th birthday was the magic year when my sisters and I could have one birthday party with our friends. Of course other birthdays were memorable as well – family birthdays, we called them. Both of our grandmothers would come to celebrate with us, and Mom would make any birthday cake we wanted out of a little cake book with different designs. My favorite was the pink elephant. Mom sure did a lot of fancy cutting to put that floppy-eared guy together.

But half-birthdays? Nope, not a thing. I have a summer birthday in May, so in today’s world, I should be celebrating my age again sometime around Thanksgiving every year. Once is enough for me…

When I was younger, May would roll around, and we would drive to a small town in Arizona where my mom grew up. This was usually Memorial Day weekend, right around my birthday. My big treat was walking to Herbella’s Mercantile Store, where I would get silly putty and new Jacks to play with. I imagine if I had a half-birthday celebration, it would be Jacks in May and Silly Putty in November.

What I Learned:

To understand the perception of time and the half-birthday syndrome, I read that depending on our age, we view the same amount of time differently. Think about a one-year-old’s life: those 12 months make up their entire experience of life and only 1% of a 100-year-old’s life. Essentially, time goes by slowly like a vintage Volkswagen bus (like waiting for your 6th birthday) and then accelerates like a Porsche (think 50th birthday).

Hitting the midpoint in anything, whether it’s the 12-hour drive home to see family, finishing the first half of a Twix bar, or the moment you realize the bookmark is sitting smack in the middle of life’s novel, there are always emotions attached.

Today, as my Lenten Blogging hits the midpoint, I am so grateful to all of my readers…all 14 of you! I appreciate you sharing this space with me.

Here’s to Another Good Day and a blessed Lent (20 days in…)

Thanks for joining me,

Lucretia

Posted in Family, Faith and Fitness

What is your content diet?

Posted on by Lucretia Cahill

40 Reflections: 40 days of raw recollections during the Lenten Season

#19 (Throwback Thursday – updated)

I grew up with the newspaper on the table every morning, and another local paper would hit the steps in the afternoon. We ate fresh tomatoes from our garden and apricots from our trees and ensured we ate clean, healthy food. In our home, what we consumed was paramount to who we were. Healthy food and quality news mattered.

One of the most well-read people I know, Polina Pompliano, founder of The Profile, takes a deep dive into content diets and how we can improve what we consume. She believes, “What you eat is who you are, and what you read is who you become…While most of us are willing to invest in our health, we often neglect our ‘content diet,’ which refers to the type of information we choose to feed our brains on a daily basis.”

WHAT DO YOU CONSUME?

The key is to first take a good look at what content we consume. TikTok? Youtube? Podcasts? The Atlantic? National Geographic? CNN? Fox News? NPR? PBS? The options are endless and we are all at the mercy of whatever lands in our inbox each morning. Will it deplete our energy and precious time? Will it invigorate us? Agree with us? Anger us? Widen our scope of the world?

IS IT TIME FOR A CONTENT CLEANSE?

Perhaps it’s time for a cleanse or a change of channel or…is it time to turn off the noise, end the mindless scrolling, and focus on what will increase your knowledge and help you contribute to and elevate conversations. Be intentional about your input.

NPR’s Clay Johnson said, “The question is, can we make enough people go: ‘Hey, you know what? I’m done. I’m done with the sensationalism of media. I’m done being taken advantage of by media companies so that I can have ads sold to me.’ If we want to make media better, then we’ve got to start consuming better media.” Personally, I love NPR and PBS.

What I learned:

Only we can control our content intake and decide how much we will consume. We have the power to fill our bodies with essential nutrients and our minds with nourishing content. Let’s spend our time wisely.

Here’s to Another Good Day!

Thanks for joining me,

Lucretia

Posted in Family, Faith and Fitness

Take time to watch the sunset

Posted on by Lucretia Cahill

Lenten Reflections #18

It was a beautiful evening yesterday and my husband asked if I wanted to do something. Hmmm…we had already gone to the gym and eaten dinner, and there were no practices or games like our pre-empty-nest days, and well, Costco was closed. So I pulled a page out of our son, Dexter’s book and suggested we go watch the sunset.

We drove to a neighborhood a few miles away with a little elevation. A nice perch. Not surprisingly, we weren’t the only ones with the sunset idea. As we looped around to get a clear view to the west, we passed a sweet couple sitting in the back of their pick-up truck, watching the sky turn amber. Then, we passed a dad with his young daughter, who spun around and around, getting a full 360-degree view of the setting sun. All of us were out to see a bit of beauty and share in the sun’s good night kiss.

Finally, we parked, stared at the vast expanse before us, and exhaled.

What I learned:

We all need to find time in the day to stop, look out into the sky, and get a fresh view of the world. Our true wealth is in this moment, right now.

Here’s to Another Good Day!

Thanks for joining me,

Lucretia

Posted in Family, Faith and Fitness

The blossom, like life, is fleeting

Posted on by Lucretia Cahill

Lenten Reflections #17

While walking in Marshalls Store today, I passed by an elderly woman and saw she had a bright pink cherry blossom wreath in her basket.

“What a beautiful wreath!” I told her.

“It is, isn’t it?” She agreed.

I went on to say the wreath would brighten up any space.

“It’s for my daughter’s grave,” she said, wilting a little. “She died one year ago, and since her tombstone hasn’t been placed yet, I thought I would find a way to use this to dress it up.”

“It’s absolutely perfect,” I said. She went on to tell me her husband also died just three weeks shy of their 75th anniversary, at age 100 and 6 months.

“That’s the way life is,” she continued. I leaned in a little, thinking she was about to give me the secret to what life “is,” but instead, she stared at the flowers on the wreath.

I remembered my years in DC, where the cherry blossom trees define spring and renewal. After a few weeks, the delicate petals on the trees float off, symbolizing the impermanence of our fleeting lives.

As our conversation slowed, she said, ” I’m 95 years old.”

“What a blessing!” I said.

“Sometimes I’m not sure if it is or not.” She said, her voice tired.

“So nice talking to you,” I said…and God bless you…The wreath really is — absolutely perfect.”

She smiled, touched my arm, gave it a mom squeeze, and continued pushing her basket toward the clothing section where her caretaker waited.

What I learned:

My five-minute conversation with one kind, elderly woman was priceless to me, as were the connections we made. I pray she will find peace.

I also pray that maybe someone stop in and chat with my parents when they are out and about. They won’t be at Marshalls, but maybe Goodwill, Trader Joe’s, a yard sale, or the Commissary. Sharing a moment with someone and listening to their stories is lubrication for the soul.

Here’s to Another Good Day!

Thanks for joining me,

Lucretia

Posted in Family, Faith and Fitness

Do we get do-overs for our bad reactions?

Posted on by Lucretia Cahill

Lenten Reflections #16

CBS News had a story about a girls’ high school basketball coach in Northville, NY this evening. During their last game, the coach who appeared angry at the time, reached out and yanked the ponytail of one of his best players who was visibly sad about their loss. Following this he appeared “to berate her following an emotional loss” at which point another teammate stood up to the coach, in support of the girl.

The school district fired the coach. The regretful coach said he apologized and wished he had those moments to do over again.

I thought about this horrible situation and wondered why we have knee-jerk reactions like the NY coach did, and how we can control our responses. Here are five tips on how to react without a ponytail tug:

  1. Know your triggers – listen to your emotions and know what makes you nuts
  2. Don’t be too judgy – once we make judgments, these become permanent triggers – uh oh
  3. Understand your emotions – know yourself, will you fight, flee, or freeze?
  4. Avoid emotion suppression – this is super unhealthy…embrace your feelings
  5. Make plans NOT TO REACT – be positive and respond with good intentions and respect

What I learned:

As I read further about this NY coach, I discovered his son was also a girls’ basketball coach, the player who defended her teammate was the coach’s great-niece, his wife had died from cancer the previous season, and the reason he started coaching again after his retirement was that his wife thought it would be good to keep him occupied during her illness.

Was he wrong? Yes. Did his emotions dictate his reactions? Yes. Did he regret it? Yes. Have we all been in similar situations? Yes.

Does he get a do-over? Nope.

Did the girl deserve it? ABSOLUTELY NOT.

Emotions are drivers to our reactions. My initial reaction to reading this story was anger which turned to saddness and then compassion. I’ll pray for all of them.

Here’s to Another Good Day, especially since the Pope was released from the hospital.

Thanks for joining me,

Lucretia

Posted in Family, Faith and Fitness

One Mom’s March Madness

Posted on by Lucretia Cahill

Lenten Reflections #15 – Motherhood — the moments, the madness, the profound joy, the heart-breaking sorrows

A few years ago, on a Friday night, we went to a local pizza place, sat in our regular booth, chatted, and stared up at the outdated TVs, watching any team play basketball. It was March Madness, and with so many teams playing, the stakes and drama were high—it was truly a basketball binge-watching dream for fans.

That night, I watched the teenage workers pace back and forth delivering pizzas to booths, clearing tables, and refilling their clear cups with colorful flavors at the soda fountain machine. I saw a new employee stop and stare at one of the screens, riveted. I looked up. Wrestling? What? I hadn’t seen wrestling since high school…and on a March Madness night? It turned out it wasn’t just any match, it was the Division 1 Wrestling championships, and Iowa’s three-time national champion, Spencer Lee, was in the depths of competing for a chance at a possible fourth straight title. In the end, however, Lee lost the semi-finals to Matt Ramos from Purdue, cementing one of the most historical upsets in D1 wrestling.

Why did it matter to me? Spencer’s mom…

As notable as the loss, Spencer Lee’s mom was shown reacting to her son’s defeat. As soon as the referee lifted the winner’s arm (which was NOT attached to her son), Lee’s mom tore her glasses off her face and smashed them in her hands, not one, not two, but three times, hurling them to the floor.

Now that’s mad! Mad at the ref? The opponent? Her son?

Or is it passion? Or sadness? Or frustration?

My mind reeled. Sometimes as parents, we are overly invested emotionally and financially in our children’s activities, sports, and school progress. That is to say, we may fail to recall who is swinging the bat, writing the essay, swimming the mile, and solving the equation. Hint: It’s not us…something I forget quite often. Our (sometimes unreasonable) expectations of what our kids can and should do are crystal clear in our minds: run faster, pitch harder, and study smarter. Easy for us to say.

Is it the “happiness” we want for our kids?

The joy of winning the race or getting into their number one college? I suppose the accomplishment is kinda like a Prime package at our doorstep where underneath the bubble wrap sits all the justification you need for your investment of time, money, and heartache. Of course until the next thing and the next.

Perhaps, as parents, we conflate passion and perfectionism.

Let’s face it, seeking perfection is a fool’s errand. We are all messy and cluttered and muddling through the days. Maybe the lesson here is that sometimes other kids are going to do a lot better than our own kids on the field or in the classroom. Sounds like real life doesn’t it?

I recently read about Esther Wojcicki, author of “How to Raise Successful People”. She is best known as the “Silicon Valley’s godmother” and mom to three very successful daughters: Susan, the former CEO of YouTube, Anne, co-founder and CEO of 23andMe, and Janet, a professor at UC San Francisco. By implementing her parenting philosophy, which Esther refers to as TRICK: trust, respect, independence, collaboration, and kindness, she feels she was able to raise capable, successful children. As far as being a parent, Wojcicki suggests focusing on your behavior. She says, “Parenting gives us perhaps the most profound opportunity to grow as human beings.”

What I learned this week:

Real life is all I know. Real joy, real feelings, real pain. Sundays I sit at church and gaze at the Stations of the Cross on the walls, and I see our own journeys to Calvary. Falling some days, getting up the next. Being carried and lifted, scorned and loved. Some days we need to carry each other on the path. Mr. Rogers’ mother used to tell him in times of tragedy, Grace will always show up in the helpers. Be the helper. Be there for the mom who hurls her glasses, the kid who misses the fly ball, and your own child who needs your presence, not your commentary. Not today anyway.

Here’s to Another Good Day!

Thanks for joining me,

Lucretia