Lenten Reflections #9
In family life, love is the oil that eases friction, the cement that binds closer together, and the music that brings harmony.
-Friedrich Nietzsche
Author: Lucretia Cahill
Teenagers: 6 funny reasons for bad grades
40 Days of Lenten Reflections
Day #7
I’ve read numerous articles about why we should let our kids fail. So I gave it a try.
For a few months, I was the hands-off mom. The cool, “Study…um…or not…up to you” mom. Turns out, it worked. The failure part, that is.
Some parents regard any failure by their children as a crisis. James Lehman, MSW with Empoweringparents.com said,
“In a crisis, parents see the danger part very clearly, but often don’t see the opportunity part. They don’t see that their child has the opportunity to learn an important lesson. The lesson might be about the true cost of cutting corners, what happens when he doesn’t do his best at something, or what the real consequences are for not being productive.”
Or in some cases, the lesson may be to craft clever reasons for why they failed. Here are some popular examples I compiled based on experience and research:
1. “SHE didn’t give me a study guide.”
Typically teachers give students tools and strategies to study for tests, but there are those kids who think their teachers should hand deliver the said study guide to their home, place it on the kitchen table, and maybe even complete it for them.
Trust me, under the crumpled paper, broken pencils, and PE clothes in their backpack lie a study guide.
2. “EVERYONE did bad on the test.”
To be executed correctly, this excuse should be said with backbone. Stress on the word EVERYONE while holding onto evvvvvvv——eryone should help their case. Teenager’s pre-frontal cortex has convinced them that if the masses failed, it clearly wasn’t their fault.
Maybe the class is full of slackers or maybe, well, nevermind.
3. “He hasn’t put in the grades for the work I did REALLY WELL on yet and he takes FOREVER to grade!”
(except for tests, apparently)
This excuse is usually coupled with “There’s only one grade in the grade book, so that’s why it seems like such a bad grade.”
Nope. It’s actually a bad grade.
4. “I had THREE OTHER tests to study for!”
Helping students develop good study habits is insanely hard. Teaching them to prioritize and manage their time is even worse. Ultimately it’s up to them what they study for first if at all, but if this is their excuse, make your follow-up the classic:
“Well, you should have started studying earlier.”
5. “It’s not my fault the teacher doesn’t know how to teach!”
Once your kids get into the harder subjects, like AP Calculus and Physics, using the ignorance of the teachers bodes well as an excuse and is surprisingly convincing…I mean the reason for not doing well is coming from a child who qualified to be in the class, so…
NOPE! Don’t fall for it! They should have studied.
6. “I THOUGHT I did well, but I didn’t.”
This is my son’s favorite. It’s the moment when parents have two choices: admit their child did not study enough or at all; or worry they don’t understand any of the content and cancel the family’s summer vacation.
So it turns out failing is an important ingredient in life, but learning from failure is a natural consequence we can all benefit from.
Puzzles: why seniors benefit from these brain boosters
Lenten Reflections #6
Nowadays, the thump of a newspaper hitting porch steps is about as rare as hearing the beeping drone of a telephone’s busy signal.
Up until a few months ago, you could hear both sounds at my parent’s home. (They have caller ID now which they completely ignore).
Every morning, nestled under coffee cups and bowls of Cheerios lies the Albuquerque Journal spread across the large table (which once sat six) as if poised for a large art project. Dad takes the front page, Mom pores over the local news, and they both rotely read through the obituaries. Then Mom starts “the puzzle” as they call it. She nearly completes her half of the daily crossword effortlessly (depending on the day) and passes it to Dad. Inevitably they finish it together.
Crossword puzzles, jokes, riddles, and intermittent episodes of Jeopardy are a huge part of my parent’s lives.
According to wordwealth.com,
“When it comes to senior people, the daily crossword puzzle is a game-changer. The benefits of solving puzzles for the elderly are innumerable, including enhanced memory, better cognitive skills, improved concentration, and much more. It can even reduce the chances of dementia and Alzheimer’s in the elderly.”
Mom and Dad are no exception to this rule. So when my sister sent the above picture of our parents with a beautiful puzzle they had recently finished, I had to share it with you all. The text attached, read “FINISHED!” Yet another successful puzzle solved and completed by Mom and Dad.
These jigsaw cardboard conundrums remind us to take time to sit and search for the tangible corner pieces, edges and crazy pieces we try so hard to force-fit into a spot, but also, help us to weed through our own lives and piece together who we are, what we are destined to do, and how we can gracefully arrive where we belong.
Thank you kindly for reading.
Happy Birthday Dr. Seuss
Lenten Reflections #5
Today is the official holiday to celebrate the birthday of the beloved, Theodor Seuss Geisel – best known as Dr. Seuss. In 1998, in an effort to celebrate, the National Education Association advocated for a day to celebrate reading all over the United States. In 1998, it started Read Across America and decided to hold it on the same day as Dr. Seuss’ birthday.
As I read about wockets in pockets, Sam-I-Am’s finicky taste in breakfast foods and the Cat in the Hat’s rainy day, I marveled at how engaged the first graders were.
“It just doesn’t make sense…they’re not real words!” said one strong-voiced girl.
“His books don’t have to make sense!” said a giggly guy, “that’s why they are so funny!”
I thought about this exchange while I went on a short run this afternoon.
I pondered how life can easily parallel any Dr. Seuss book. From the flat out refusal to try new things like stubborn Sam-I-Am and those green eggs — to exaggerating the minutia and “turning minnows into whales” like on Mulberry Street. Too often we forget to take chances and just pile all those Apples Up on Top and if they must, just watch them drop.
Dr. Seuss had a deep respect for his readers, saying,
“I don’t write for children, I write for people. Once a writer starts talking down to kids, he’s lost. Kids can pick up on that kind of thing.”
So if you rest your head in Whoville or Wisconsin, let your heart grow three sizes and love your neighbor.
Leap Year Baby 1936
Lenten Reflections #4
Mi Madrina
On February 29, 1936, my Godmother was born.
In Leap Year math terms, she’s had 21 true birthdays. So today is especially busy for her. Let’s just say if an angel got their wings every time her phone rang today, the halo business would be booming. I was among her callers who sang the traditional Happy Birthday and a few lines of Las Mañanitas, her favorite birthday song.
I filled her in on the kids and our treks from swim meets to tennis matches, and then baseball games. In lockstep, she reminded me to enjoy every moment of their childhood, because it goes too fast. “What are their ages?” she asked. When I said, 17, 15 and 14, she jumped in and as if reading from a mom script, said, “Oh college is coming up, that’s expensive.” She continued, “It’s when they go away that’s hard.” I knew she was referring to the outrageous cost attached to out of state tuition, but
I also knew from our previous conversations that her statement meant more. She’s always been candid and honest about being a mom.
When we chat, her kind, subtle NM accent reminds me of home. I listen to how she recalls life as a mom…and I can hear how quickly life’s pages turn, the moment you’re suddenly not going to baseball games or PTA meetings anymore but airports to pick up your kids who are “just visiting”. I can’t help but think of how she felt the first Sunday morning when she stopped looking for a large section on a church pew, but instead, was able to slip in at the end of a row because she was alone.
She tells me she prays for me every night and every morning. When she says it, I feel my body relax. Somehow simply knowing someone whose faith is at their core is thinking of me, makes me feel cloaked in love. To me, she’s like one of the saints Catholics have for everything. We pray to them when illness, accident or a loss occurs and we know they have our backs. That’s my Godmother. I know her prayers for me are deep, no-nonsense, and true.
Chances of being born on a leap day are about one in 1,461, according to the BBC. In fact, some astrologers say leap-year babies may possess special talents and luck. I agree. When I look at the picture of the day I was baptized, I think about all my Godmother has taught me: to cherish time with my family, knowing they will eventually live under different roofs; keep faith at the forefront; and hope our kids will thrive with credence, compassion, and kindness.
Gracias, Madrina.
Lent’s alarm
Lenten Reflections #3
I was thinking about the backstory of Lent. The “Why”.
Not how it all transpired. Moreso, how it changes us and makes us better. Or not.
So I turned to two of my favorite writers for words of wisdom: Pope Francis and Anne Lamott.
When writing about Ash Wednesday, Lamott said,
So God bless you all today, GOOD. Whether you celebrate Ash Wednesday or not, it is always a day for awakening. Don’t hit the snooze button. Wake up, right now, spritz yourself with a plant mister, look around, gape, give thanks, help the poor…
Pope Francis also connected Lent with an awakening:
“Lent comes providentially to reawaken us, to shake us from our lethargy.”
Our long winter nap ends as we embrace the change in mind, body, and spirit Lent freely provides.
Make a change. Make it positive and make it now.
FAITH Challenge: say a quick prayer every time you hear a siren today.
FITNESS Challenge: Go for a walk or run.
Holding each other up
40 Lenten Reflections – #2
I love writing about my parents. However, every time I start, I never finish as there is so much to share. Instead, I sit and stare at 17 blog drafts about Mom and Dad and keep writing.
But today when I was working on Venn Diagrams with first graders, thoughts about my parents escalated. As we discussed characteristics that make us unique and similar to each other, the kids wrote things like “Bella likes Barbies and I like the Braves, but we’re BOTH crazy at recess!”
We discussed what makes each of us special and why it’s important to respect each other even if our friends root for the Braves while we cheer on the Yankees. We also talked about what connects all of us…being afraid of the dark, liking pizza, and loving PE. Then one slight, wide-eyed girl said, “My mom and dad don’t live together anymore, that makes me different.”
That’s when my heartstrings started tugging. I couldn’t help but think of my own mom and dad. They have been married for nearly 60 years and were both born in the 1930s into Hispanic families with simple, humble beginnings. Their similarities indeed outnumbered their differences.
As octogenarians, my folks give more than they take, pray for others before themselves, and cherish family. Sure there are differences. Every phone call, Dad says he feels “GREAT!” no matter what because he’s “just happy to be here.” Mom will candidly tell you if she’s not feeling well. And I chuckle every time she says “Okay, I’m done,” when she’s exhausted from talking/listening to me on the phone. On the other hand, if she held a plank in Pilates longer than her classmates, she’d definitely stretch the conversation.
I am constantly awed by my parents.
As in the photo above, they literally and figuratively hold each other up physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
You’ll hear more about them throughout these 40 days and more.
Celebrate what makes you special, but remember in the Venn Diagram of life, the big chunk in the middle shows just how similar we really are…
Pray for others…and please be kind.
Reuse and recycle it all!
REDUCE
I grew up in a no-waste home. Bones were given to our dog Dusty, and our “compost” was a bucket filled with the wilted iceberg lettuce and corn cobs which we dumped into the lamb’s pen. Every stray branch was used as kindling for the fire. And newspapers with nearly completed crosswords were laid out and used for serving hot popcorn while we watched Jeopardy or Johnny Carson’s monologue.
RECYCLE
Water is priceless in New Mexico. In the summertime, water drips from the side of my childhood home where the swamp cooler runs. Alongside the brick, my mom has nestled a small McCoy planter in the gravel to catch the water. This oasis serves as a resting spot for what might be the most robust toad in New Mexico. When the planter is filled, mom shares the water with her tomato plants and returns the toad’s tiny home to its spot to refill.
REUSE
I’ve picked up a lot of these no-waste habits from my conscientious parents and yesterday found myself practicing another one of their tricks.
Here’s how it goes:
It may sound crazy, but I try to vacuum daily. We have two dogs. TWO. That’s one away from crazy. And, they are NOT the purebred, never shed, well-behaved type. They are the insanely lovable, loud, shed-like-crazy mutts that are so cute you can hardly stand it. So I vacuum and vacuum and then I do it one more time.
Yesterday I was about to go over the carpet and realize I had completely surpassed the mark on the vacuum bag that says DO NOT FILL OVER THIS LINE. The bag was so full, the vacuum itself felt significantly heavier. I glanced down at the carpet and saw mud from someone’s shoes they “forgot” to take off and spots where the dogs decided to roll so they could spread the dirt in the neglected areas.
Time to clean up the mess…
Unfortunately, I thought I was ahead of the game and gleefully opened the closet and saw every type of bag EXCEPT what I needed. Of course, I did the logical move and tried to force a Hoover bag into a Riccar vacuum. It didn’t work last time, but I had to try again.
In this case, one size did NOT fit all so I thought…what would mom and dad do?
Well, if they had not picked up extra Electrolux bags at Sears or the last yard sale they went to, it would be DIY time.
I reluctantly fished out the used vacuum bag I flippantly tossed in the trash barrel and knew what I HAD to do. With no time to go to the store or use Amazon, I pulled up my sleeves, stood over the trash bin and removed all the yuck (and one missing sock) from the bag. The garage looked like a scene from the Grapes of Wrath.
After emptying the bag (and dusting myself off), I finished my job and marveled at how well the vacuum worked with the “new” bag.
My parents continue to teach me so much about reusing, recycling, saving, and being a smart consumer. From watching This Old House with dad growing up or using YouTube now, I am convinced DIY jobs are worth a try and recycling is ALWAYS the right thing to do.
I know this vacuum hack produces a lot of dust, but I saved a few dollars, found a sock and saved one more bag from going into a landfill.
Do you have any clever recycling/reusing tips? Please share in the comments below.
Thanks for reading 🙂
BONUS INFO:
I later researched a clever way to empty and reuse vacuum bags.
Here’s what I found:
To empty a vacuum bag multiple times here is a suggestion from the Do It Yourself Website.
- Get a strip of duct tape and tape it vertically along the back of the bag (the opposite side of where the bag opening is) that covers about 2/3 of the bag’s length. Cut a slit through the tape and through the bag, taking care not to cut all the way through to the other side of the bag. Leave about an inch or so at either end of the tape uncut. Empty out the bag.
- Cut another strip of duct tape long enough to cover the slit. Add another inch and fold over the end of the tape onto itself about ½ inch from the end. This will provide for a handy little non-sticking end that will make it easier to pull off. Affix this new strip of tape over the slit.
- Replace the bag in the vacuum. Next time you have to empty the bag, merely peel off the top strip (using the end that has that neat little handle) and empty out the contents.
Happy cleaning…
From pre-k to the president – why we all need a pacifier
When I was working in a pre-k class last week, I noticed a behavior pattern among the students. As soon as the cleanup bell rang, little Nathan caught my eyes and defiantly dumped all the dinosaurs out of their bin. Knowing it was wrong, he instinctively stuck his thumb in his mouth.
His eyes said he was sorry, and his thumb squelched the potential protest looming. His four-year-old brain was cued to know just when to pacify himself in lieu of screaming.
Hand over hand, we put the dinosaurs away together.
It happened again with a kindergartner. I could see in her gulf-coast blue eyes her struggle to decipher why she is suddenly ONLY spending Saturday and Sunday with her dad and the rest of the week with her mom.
When she approached me for a hug she pulled the end of her “Be a Unicorn” t-shirt out of her mouth to say hi. After the squeeze, she grabbed the comforting seam of her shirt and ran off to play.
Any other day she would have told me something about her and Emma having the EXACT SAME strawberry yogurt at lunch or how she collected the shiniest rocks EVER during recess…but it was a Monday and transition from dad to mom was exhausting on her little heart.
What struck me about these and other kids was their ability to know when to stop. When not to complain, or rant, or argue. I’m not saying they shouldn’t share their worries and wonders, but somehow these two knew it was not the right time.
Their little minds told them to listen instead of talk. Move on instead of stall.
I find in today’s world, we each have our own pacifiers. Maybe it’s not a thumb or shirt we’re using…it’s more likely to be a cell phone or earbuds drowning out the noise.
Unfortunately, when I listen to the news I notice most people forget or neglect their pacifiers and still spew out hurtful, divisive, and hate-filled words. When I drive down the road, bumper stickers scream at me and tell me who NOT to vote for, how they define the word “great” or how I should feel about guns and whales.
Freedom of Speech is priceless, but all of us, whether we’re president or in pre-k, need to know when to pop our thumbs in our mouths and search our hearts for kind, appropriate words to use.
Like my dad says, “even if you think it’s a LITTLE wrong, don’t say it…(and mom would chime in)…and DEFINITELY don’t write it down!”
Bottom line: Use your inside voice, think before you speak and be kind to others.
Daily blogging – keep reaching, keep writing
In my home, there’s a “blogging season” as my husband calls it. For the last few years, I’ve been blogging during the 40 days of Lent. I’d tell a story and include a prayer and workout at the end of each post. It was rewarding. It was hard. It was what Lent should feel like.
At the beginning of 2020, I started blogging every day because life seemed to be moving faster and since I still haven’t located a PAUSE button, I knew I’d better share my story. Ralph Waldo Emerson said,
“A man is what he thinks about all day.”
I think about writing and the sunny feeling I get when I help others or touch their lives. (With three kids going to college soon, perhaps I should think a bit more about tuition money).
Let’s just say I’m like a Border Collie with a constant head tilt completely engrossed in 50- shades of everything, and the nuances of nothing. I think of stories constantly. Not in an Emerson “Self-Reliance” kind of way, more in a Seinfeld “show about nothing” kind of way.
I am always thinking about how all of us are linked and how sharing our stories helps us celebrate our milestones or hold each other up in our toughest moments.
Maybe it’s commiserating on how tricky it can be to shuttle three kids to three different practices starting at the same time.
Or maybe it’s about trying to help your children with homework as you pretend to remember what ‘slope-intercept’ or ‘rhetorical writing’ means.
Or maybe it’s listening to your own 80-something parents on speakerphone as they recount their day going from church to the doctor and then the grocery store, all the while wishing you were there to drive them, hover over them and hold their hands for balance and warmth.
Perhaps it’s a middle school story about our kids being too shy, too needy, too weird.
Or maybe like me, it’s when you hear the news about a mom you worked with for years on PTA who died in her sleep and how she was too young and won’t get to see her children graduate.
Blogging reminds me of writing my fears and favorites in my childhood diary. It had a green satin cover and that little tiny key I hid and lost, and used a bobby pin instead. Writing to me is a chronicle, proof, opinion, and vulnerability…the more I do it, the easier it is.
In Malcolm Gladwell’s book, The Outliers, he claims the way to achieve world-class mastery in any skill is to repeatedly doing something correctly for 10,000 hours. It’s this deliberate practice that leads to expertise.
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