Lenten Reflections #25
March 16, 2026
Before I hung up the phone with my son yesterday, I said, “You matter”.
I’ve said a lot of different goodbyes to our kids on the phone, and I felt like the I love yous and I miss yous, though heartfelt, had become rote, so I debuted my new phrase of endearment with confidence.
“You matter” is critical for all of us to hear and believe.
I thought for sure my son would say something like, “Wait, what do you mean?” Or… “Did you just listen to a podcast?” (Yes)
But to my surprise, he said, “I know,” and not the dismissive, slightly condescending “I KNOOOW”, but rather a confident, “I know” where the lilt starts high with the “I” then trails down to the lower key, releasing “know”.
I had confidence he was listening because, typically, his response to most questions or statements is either “Good” or “Thank you,” with the occasional “I have no idea.”
So, I followed up with, “Oh, good. We’re here if you need anything.”
I hung up and exhaled, while the words “HE KNOWS he matters to us” trailed off with my breath.
Folding laundry with my husband yesterday, I said, “Matter, that’s an odd word, right? How things take up space and how we take up space in the world, how we matter.” He was in the middle of trying to match up socks in the basket (which, by the way, absolutely matters to him), but managed to add a comment and nod of agreement to my matter ramble.
Then I moved on to the etymology of the word. Here’s the breakdown according to etymonline:
According to de Vaan and Watkins, this is from mater “origin, source, mother” (see mother (n.1)). The sense developed and expanded in Latin in philosophy by influence of Greek hylē (see hylo-) “wood, firewood,” in a general sense “material,” the word used by Aristotle for “matter” in the philosophical sense.
Turns out matter is from the word mother. Which makes sense since I told my son that he mattered. (haha) Think of babies trying out different sounds, one of the first is “muh”, eventually leading to “mama”. In a 2019 article in the Saturday Evening Post, Andy Hollandbeck says:
Matter, the broad-reaching word to describe the substance of the entire universe, grew from the word to describe the women who gave us life, which in turn grew from baby’s first murmurings. That says something both revealing and poetic about humandkind.
I then listened to an episode of the podcast, Hidden Brain, called “Do You Feel Invisible?” Host Shankar Vedantam speaks with Psychologist Gordon Flett, who discusses the profound need for mattering, highlighting different types of mattering.
- Deep mattering – THIS IS LIFE GIVING – it’s when even though you didn’t pass the test, or you’re going to be late, or you’re never going to finish your project, or maybe you said the wrong thing to someone you care about, or you can’t catch up on life…deep in your heart, you know, you still have people around who care, and remind you of how critical you are in their lives. That is deep mattering.
- Anti-mattering – the idea of feeling invisible, unimportant, and insignificant. In some cases, social anxiety leads to the assumption that others will negatively evaluate you. This is when your mind waxes toward the irrational.
What I Learned:
The two most important things you can do for people to make sure they know they matter are to
CARE about them and remind them you appreciate them for who they are.
Thanks for joining me.
I’m so glad you’re here,
Lucretia
runonmom.com 