March 17: The mother of Maj. Ivan Skrypnyk, who was killed during Russia’s invasion of Ukraine, mourns over his flag-draped coffin during a funeral ceremony in Lviv.

Yuriy Dyachyshyn/AFP via Getty Images

Count your blessings every day and pray for all those battling fear, sickness, loss, and war.

40 Reflections: 40 days of raw recollections during the Lenten Season

No. 16

Last night we watched our son play with his high school Wind Symphony. The talent kids have these days is astounding. He sat smack in the center of the group holding his saxophone and playing effortlessly. He’s not one of those students who comes home and practices endlessly or rather, at all. But I’m sure the nearly two-hour class every day gives him time to run through Shuman’s poignant “When Jesus Wept” with his bandmates.

After they played last night, they moved to a band room where they were tasked with showing their sight-reading skills. The families watched as the wind symphony sat with new music and used their sight-reading skills to mentally prepare themselves to play.

The process of sight-reading intrigued me.

In music, sight-reading also called a prima vista (Italian meaning “at first sight”), is the practice of reading and performing a piece in a music notation that the performer has not seen or learned before.

I love the idea of mentally preparing for a task. Like warming up in the bullpen before pitching (I’m at a baseball game) or planning your dinners for the week. My husband constantly says, “preparation wins championships”.

If you ever have the opportunity to watch a sight-reading session, take it. According to the University of Connecticut’s Visions of Research in Music Education Journal, sight-reading is a critical skill for musicians, enhances every aspect of music-making, and creates the complete musician.

Here’s the process:

• Clap/Tap to a steady beat
• Say letter names in tempo
• Say finger numbers (strings)
• Pizzicato (strings); Vocalize with syllables (ta/ti)
• Finger with sizzle
• Play

After six minutes, they played something that did not sound like a first try. If only we all stopped and did some mental sight-reading before we spoke or emailed or interacted…maybe kindness would prevail.

I love that my kids have been part of bands, orchestras, and teams. Being a small cog in a wheel that makes beautiful music, wins a game, or stumbles together and recovers is priceless.

Please pray for Ukraine.

When Jesus wept, the falling tear

in mercy flowed beyond all bound;
when Jesus mourned, a trembling fear

seized all the guilty world around.

William Billings (1770)

40 Reflections: 40 days of raw recollections during the Lenten Season

No. 15

As a mom, some of my favorite moments are spent chatting with other parents. These long, relatable, hilarious, commiserating, conversations occur on sidelines, bleachers, parking lots, auditoriums, PTA meetings, churches, or anywhere our kids take us on their childhood journeys.

Tonight was no exception – here are snippets from my recent cache of conversations:

• One dad talked about his son’s happiness when he made the Varsity team yet his playing time diminished and now spends time on the bench.
• After exchanging quick pleasantries, a friend dashes away from the tennis match announcing her next stop to deliver her son to baseball and daughter to softball. There’s something about audibly sharing our destinations with other parents. The interpretation is: I’m crazy busy, please watch my kiddo while I’m gone.
• My phone dings and I quickly click the side of my phone to silence it…it reads, “I’m swamped at work and won’t make the match, is Luke playing yet?” I quickly respond. Another mom making sure our band of mothers stays strong.
• Pushing a stroller with her nearly two-year-old, another mom heads out to take her 12-year-old to his tennis lessons asking if someone helped her 17-year old jumpstart his car yesterday…and if they knew who it was, to please thank them. It takes a village.
• A dad chats for a minute about orchestra and sports and suddenly remembers he needs to buy a hamburger for his son because the provided chicken sandwich is not on his preferred foods list. The dad rolls his eyes knowing how ridiculous it sounds but we all get it…anything for our kids.
• Another mom stops to say hello and when I asked about her son, she confesses she worries because he doesn’t come home very often from college. “He will,” I tell her, just give him time…I think about how much easier it is to give advice than to take it.
• My son then tells me a player’s parent passed away this week. An acquaintance from our church and I imagine the empty pillow next to her every night an indent still fresh and her struggle to explain it all to her boys.
• On my walk with the dogs, I visit with our neighbor who said he gets frustrated as it takes him twice as much time to do the same things he used to. I recall a tennis mom earlier in the day who told me her father just turned 90 and his mantra was “A body in motion stays in motion”. I share it with him. He then mentions his upcoming 80th birthday in August bragging a little like my son who just turned 18 today and my student who wore a crown for her 5 3/4 birthday. Yes. 3/4. The connection and joy to reach the next age when we are children or senior citizens is uncanny. Our middle years tend to blur if only the celebration mentality would seep in…

These chats with moms, dads, kids, grandparents, teachers, and coaches, remind me life can seem like a pretty deep pool sometimes, so the more we latch onto each other the more buoyant we become.

Just imagine if we all tried harder to seize the pockets of time from our busy days, and stopped to ask people how they are. It’s just nice to have a friend sit beside us on our roulette wheel of emotions reminding us we’re not alone.

Please pray for Ukraine and maybe say a Rosary this weekend.

40 Reflections: 40 days of raw recollections during the Lenten Season

No. 14

Throwback Thursday! This is a post about our sweet dogs and how the minds of our four-legged family members find joy in every walk, every meal, every hello.

My plan was to walk our dogs this morning…

but Lola, our fluffy, tailless Border Collie, yanked me and Sancha (lab/golden mix) through the neighborhood instead. Her tugging seemed to say, “Come on! We’re missing all the good stuff!” So just like obedient sheep, we followed along as she plowed through the world nose up, eyes straight ahead, one ear forward the other pointing at me like a periscope.

Poor Lola. I feel the life of a suburban Border Collie is mentally more labor-intensive than a farm dog. There are no sheep or livestock to organize, no big fields to hunt and explore, and barely one unamused squirrel in our backyard.

Basically, Lola is left to plan her whole day like the rest of us. Dog breeders will swear you have to exercise them at least 37 times a day or they will get bored and expend their energy otherwise. Oh, it’s true, I feel guilty as heck when I come home to a scene from The Killing Fields with stuffed animals strewn about and plastic noses and eyes carefully dislodged from their stuffed owners.

But Lola, much like our kids, came without assembly and upkeep instructions. She was rescued from inside a screened porch somewhere in North Georgia, surrounded by her own poop and no food or water. In retrospect, we often wonder if Lola was a little bummed when driven away from all that land. For all we know, she could have built the porch herself and was just drawing up the bathroom plans. She’s THAT smart.

Bottom line. I hope our children channel their inner Lola in life.

Lola is a worker and a leader.

Give her a washcloth and she’ll wipe the face of Facebook clean again. Pass her a laptop and she’ll have a business reorganized and gleaming with success. Lola would be a blur on the corporate ladder as she escalated to the top while others envied her drive, agility, and vertical leap. She efficiently pees on all the spots necessary to make her way through life.

Border Collies like Lola, are smart and driven – a good breed. She has just the right amount of affection with a smidge of jealousy woven in her fluffy coat.

If Lola had her own flock, here’s how she would lead.

LOLA’S TOP 8 LEADERSHIP TIPS:

1. Leave your mark:

Pee several times throughout your life and all over the place. Just always remember where you’re food is and eat fast.

2. Take a stand:

Showing you believe in something is like pooping, do it when and where you need to…holding it in will just lead to bad feelings (especially if you ate a sock).

3. Listen and observe:

Always be ready to change directions. Lead your herd wisely.

4. Keep your paws clean:

Be honest and wipe your feet even if you have plans to go out again.

5. Wag your tail:

Exude positivity and wag like mad, even if you only have a stub of a tail.

6. Use your speed and strength:

No matter the setting, be the hardest worker in the room.

7. Beware of shiny objects:

Don’t let your sheep go astray, stay focused and on point.

8. REST on top of tables (or whatever works for you):

Stop and look at life from other perspectives. Truly, things are clearer from above – said, God and Lola.

Lola is a sweet girl. She and Sancha make every day better. But in a pinch, if you need a CEO, look for the Lola’s of the world. If you’re in need of a social worker-type, Sancha is your gal. She’s your lifer, she’ll stay with the company and be faithful for years. On walks, she pees for a long time in one place ONLY…much like the small town plumber in a Hallmark movie that is happy living in the same place for life.

Like people, every dog is different. But unlike some people, dogs love unconditionally, are forgiving, and ever-loyal. Let’s learn from them.

As Anne Lamott said, “Having a good dog is the closest some of us are ever going to come to knowing the direct love of a mother or God.”

Let them lead you home like Lola, comfort you like Sancha andalways “stick” together.

Pray for Ukraine.

40 Reflections: 40 days of raw recollections during the Lenten Season

No. 13

So Jane my daily visitor came by herself this morning to say good morning. I have to admit it brought tears to my eyes when I received her hug. Maybe I’m just old, sensitive, and/or tired, but it was endearing.

“Flying solo today Jane?” I quickly rephrased for someone under ten years old, “By yourself today?”

“Yes I am!” she responded confidently, a smile hanging on her words. Her hug was strong, intentional, and true.

“Bye!”

Off she skipped to the next stop with her bottomless backpack overflowing with love.

99% of the time I dig too deep and overanalyze. Turning moments, events, and even glances inside out, like a cat squirming to find a comfortable spot.

This time it’s warranted. Jane’s spirit is what I pray all young children are able to discover in themselves. Their ability to be confident, caring, warm, and wise.

This is a young girl who was not told to go out and seek tired adults in the mornings and deliver hugs, nor was she taught to wait in the hallway until you arrive to ensure you got a glimpse of her big toothless smile. Jane is innately loving. (But I’m willing to bet her parents are pretty amazing like her).

I read somewhere that the “Duchenne smile” (named for a french physician who pioneered modern neurology) is an expression that signals true enjoyment. Basically, the muscles of the corners of your mouth lift your cheeks and crinkle your eyes at the corners making for a sincere, trustworthy grin. That’s Jane’s smile.

She makes every day better for so many.

Find your Jane smile and share it, maybe throw in a hug. Trust me. It’s worth it.

Pray for Ukraine.

40 Reflections: 40 days of raw recollections during the Lenten Season

No. 12

As our nest empties from five to four, my mind fills 
With worries, wonders, wishes
Success is prevalent around me
20-somethings finding their niche
a start-up here a podcast there
50-somethings searching for new fires to forge
searching and searching
What will happen when the school bus doesn't pass and 
the tennis matches end?
When there is no one to take the forgotten trumpet to 
or pick up after practice?  
When the garage door closes only twice a day?
When five goes to four and then three?
No need for a chair at the end of the booth or the long side of the pew 
When the house falls silent, what then?
New careers? 
Travel? 
Retirement? 
A mother never retires

40 Reflections: 40 days of raw recollections during the Lenten Season

No. 11

There’s something about Mary that brings my life spiritual solace…so every Monday during Lent I will honor the Marys in my life.

In my neighborhood growing up, we had fences. Long chainlink fences. The zigging and zagging of galvanized steel served as windows into our neighbors’ yards. I recall sitting in the dirt driveway playing with a neighborhood cat by the fence, watching my sister reach through the wiry diamond shapes and trade toys with Daniel next door. Whatever toy came through was new to us, and ours to them…turns out bartering was economical and very convenient.

Land was valuable to each family, and our fences were territorial. On the east side, (my parents always use cardinal directions) was “Mary-next-door”. Mary was Mom’s partner in crime. They were two stay-at-home moms raising nine kids combined and always had each other’s backs. They shared recipes, commiserated about crying kids, babysat when doctor’s appointments appeared on the calendar, and prepped our station wagons for weekend trips. One morning, back in the ’60s, Mary called mom crying. Her newborn was unresponsive in the crib. Mom ran outside, the screen slapping hard, soared through the gate and went straight in to help Mary. All she could do was console her. He was gone. SIDS or Sudden Infant Death Syndrome happened instantaneously, inexplicably, and sometimes happened right next door. It is times like these when friends step in and help unveil the doubt and anger enveloping your heart, bring you water, and pray with you.

I think of Mary often. Her big hearty laugh and Herculean voice carried through the church, over the fence, and across our green octagonal poker table every Saturday night. (Mom made the table at an upholstery class)

As the youngest of the nine kids between the two families, I was told Mary was going to babysit me one day. Everyone had something to do, so off I went.

I remember marveling at the fact that Mary’s TV worked DURING THE DAY! Right there on the screen was Bob Barker on “The Price is Right”. I had never seen the show and was fascinated by the guessing and luck involved. Mary laughed when I told her this as she pushed the carpet sweeper across the floor. What a great TV, ours was NOTHING like it.

Thanks to Mary for unforgettable family memories.

Please pray for Ukraine.

A handful of families stayed after mass tonight to say a rosary for Ukraine. Monsignor reminded us that the Rosary has been prayed during wartime for the souls lost, suffering, and barely surviving. Here’s a link to the Rosary. Thank you.

40 Reflections: 40 days of raw recollections during the Lenten Season

No. 10

Our son came back from taking the SAT after four hours of sitting, reading, computing, and bubbling. When asked how it went he said, “I actually had time for the reading section this time, but I don’t know why they can’t just ask the question. I mean, you’d think they’d ask the questions like a kind person – just ask, not throw in a lot of extra words.

When I inquired further (treading lightly as to not poke the bear who didn’t want to take the test in the first place)…I asked what he felt was the hardest part. Surprisingly, he said, “I had to walk across campus in the cold with 25 mph winds whipping, unsure of which building to enter. So I followed the only person in front of me. Turns out she was clueless too, but we found the entrance together. I was told to go to room eight, so I then walked into four different rooms until I found not room “eight” but room “A”. So the trickiest part was finding the testing room…and now my neck hurts from looking down.

I put the kibitz on my questioning and left him alone.

SAT Prep

Our very calculated daughter prepared for the SAT by utilizing the “Khan Academy 20 minutes per day” a few months prior to the SAT. It served her well. Our eldest son’s SAT prep consisted of packing two No.2 pencils, borrowing a fancy calculator from a friend at 11:00 pm the night before, packing a snack, and setting his alarm. Our kids couldn’t be more different, but thank God they are…

I thought about the pressure these tests and parents – myself included – put on our kids. Maybe a high score will lead to a scholarship…or boost his confidence…or God-forbid…crush it. At one point I was close to falling for my son’s constant pleas not to take the SAT because “he had to lay sod for the neighbors” or “change the oil in his truck”, but I thought better of it. After all, don’t we all grow from being challenged?

According to author and psychologist Dr. Lisa Damour, “Stress doesn’t deserve its bad rap. Psychologists agree that while chronic or traumatic stress can be toxic, garden-variety stress — such as the kind that comes with taking a big test — is typically a normal and healthy part of life.”

I then thought, given the rapid-fire inquiries my son can throw at me, I should learn a about “the Why” behind who invented these bubbling sheets and why? If nothing else, I could distract him with fancy words like “optimal mark recognition” and “phototubes”.

So I did some research and here’s what I learned:

Michael Sokolski, an immigrant to the US from Poland was a soldier, engineer, and inventor of the Scantron. The tests were a form of Optical Mark Recognition – OMR system. Basically it’s a scanning machine that beams light through the back of a test paper and notes the areas that are dark with the use of phototubes (light-sensitive devices). Enter: The No. 2 pencil. When pressed down to fill a small circle (no stray marks!), the dark mark it makes blocks the light thus, bouncing off the paper, and the results are compared to the answer sheet.

Turns out I didn’t need the talking point above. However, a few hours after the test my son realized he forgot his jacket at the testing site. Shocking how quickly he dashed home without a jacket after battling the “25 mph winds” on the way in! So after a few phone calls, two amazing counselors who were still working on this cold Saturday tracked down his jacket.

There’s always kindness out there, even after a long day.

So does taking the SAT matter? If nothing else, it gives our kids a destination, an experience they can battle through and file away in their memory, or not.

Please pray for Ukraine.

FUN FACT! Why a No. 2 Pencil?

According to mentalfloss.com, “In the 1820s, Henry David Thoreau’s father started manufacturing black-lead pencils. Between teaching students, surveying land, and working as a handyman, Thoreau made money by working for his family’s pencil business. After researching German techniques for making pencils, he invented a grinding machine that made better quality plumbago (a mixture of the lead, graphite, and clay inside a pencil). After his father died, Thoreau ran the family’s pencil company.”